Berceuse
by Muircheartach
Summary: When Elisabeth Collins, a footloose flautist, is forced to work with Joshua Foley, a hard-nosed trumpet, their lives turn upside down. With the chaos of an unexpected corps move and deep running family issues, it provides for one interesting summer.
1. In the Beginning

_So after running into a wall with Precision, I decided to put my creative energies into this. I've found it comes a bit easier to me, but that's probably since it's a lot like Convergence. Or I might be going crazy. Anyways, here we go. Hope you enjoy._

* * *

___Berceuse_

_Chapter One: In the beginning…_

When you look at a drum corps, what are you looking at?

For many people, the first thing that catches their eye is the color guard. This is, after all, a natural reaction. The guard is in the corps for purely visual effect. They have no music to play, but are rather there to make the corps look good.

For others, the section they look at is the brass players. These talented individuals have musical and visual responsibilities, meaning that they are often heard before they are seen. The brass provides sustained sound and the variety of musical aspects presented in the corps show.

The battery is the section for others. They are the regimented heartbeat to the corps. They bring amazing talent, dedication, and precision to the field as well as the visual aspects that they present.

The front ensemble presents an almost purely musical aspect to the field. They learn no drill, but are constantly presenting themselves to the audience, attempting to look as well as sound good.

These are the sections that people pay attention to when watching any corps. They present the show in every visual and musical aspect, catching your eye with every drill move. It's expected that anyone walking into a corps performance will catch these parts of the show.

But there is one part to the corps that people don't pay attention to. This is the part that drives the show, a part that gives expression and determination, a part that gives so much, despite that no one in the audience is watching.

But everyone in the corps has their eyes glued on the drum major. The drum major who only gets recognition from the audience at the beginning and end of the show, or if they do something drastic.

That's why I pay attention to the drum major. Half of the time, I miss what happens on the field because my eyes are glued on the drum major. What is their conducting style? How do they present themselves? How do they react to any possible mishaps on the field? These separate the good from the great in regards to drum majors. That's what convinces Nelly that I'm an overachieving lunatic. Which I am, but that's besides the point.

In my opinion, the quality of drum major determines the quality of the corps. You can't have a good corps without a good drum major and vice versa. It just doesn't happen.

This is what I'm thinking, sitting at DCI finals, watching the other corps perform. We had performed as the first corps in finals that evening, meaning that we were allowed to watch a few other corps perform before the awards ceremony. The specific corps that we were watching was the only corps that I was interested in watching that evening.

The Crusaders.

I was watching said specific corps due to the fact that they are the main rival of my corps, Northwind. The corps have been rivals for ages, for many reasons. Both of us are from the same hometown, used to fight for the same rehearsal space, those sorts of things.

But it was mostly due to the fact that the Crusaders are an all male corps and Northwind is all female. The whole male/female competition thing kind of gets on my nerves, but mostly because I've been dealing with this competition issue since my freshman year. It's really annoying to be quite honest.

Which leads me to wonder why in the world the rival drum major looks so fucking familiar.

"What are you thinking about this drum major?" Nelly asks and I roll my eyes. "I know that's what you're looking at. I'd ask you what you think about the corps show, but you wouldn't be able to tell me anything but the drum major."

"I'm wondering why in the world he looks so fucking familiar," I told her, racking my brain. "It just doesn't make sense."

"It's not that impossible," Nelly commented. "The corps are from the same town. If he didn't go to Marshville, he probably went to Arden Lake."

"I suppose it's possible," I noted. Then it hit me. "It couldn't be…"

"What are you talking about?" Nelly asked.

I turned to her. "It's Joshua. It seems impossible, but it has to be."

"I think you've lost me."

"I know it's hard for you, but think back to sophomore year," I told her. "Do you remember the trumpet section?"

"In general," she commented. "Bunch of pricks if I remember correctly."

"Yes, but do you remember the brass tech?"

"Yeah, what's-his-face asshole who thought he knew everything?"

"Yes, that's the one," I confirmed. "Do you remember his son?"

"Scrawny blonde kid, constantly looked scared to death?"

"That's him. And that's the guy who's standing on that podium," I told her.

She looked at him and looked back at me. "You're shitting me, right?"

"It's gotta be him," I said. "There's no doubt about it."

"It just doesn't seem right. Why in the world would a cowardly kid like that want to be a drum major of a top ten corps?"

"Why would I, the crazed flautist, want to become a top ten drum major? It all depends on the person."

"Still, you can't be right. That a completely different person up there; he's way too confident to be Joshua Foley."

"People change Nell- he seemed different the last time I saw him," I told her.

"Last time you saw him? When was that?" she asked.

"Senior year, when I was drum major for Marshville. He was drum major for Arden Lake and he seemed different, I just couldn't put my finger on it."

"I think you're insane, Elisabeth."

"Yep, Elisabeth Collins, resident psychopath. Need a bit of insanity in your life? Just call me."

* * *

We placed well in finals. Better than the year before, not as good as my rookie year, but pretty well considering that we had a new director. All in all, I was looking forward to the next season and what a new show had in store for me. The first half of the school year went by quickly. My music ed classes were seeming to get harder, mostly because I ended up with my strings class and had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing half of the time. I didn't understand it. I wanted to be a band director, not teach fucking orchestra. From my experience, string players had a tendency to be a bit too high maintenance and after the orchestra winds blow up my senior year, I never wanted to step foot in an orchestra room ever again.

The end of the semester, however, meant drum corps auditions, which made me slightly happier. I would have to re-audition, as per protocol, but I was basically guaranteed the position as head drum major for the next season. So after preparing the conducting piece and a bit of mellophone (also as per protocol), I showed up at the audition, did my thing, and waited for the corps list to be posted.

We never really ever had issues cutting people; usually it was that we had too many trumpets and mellos and not enough contras or bari/euphs, and after a bit of shifting we usually ended up with pretty much everyone who had auditioned. Thankfully, all of the people who auditioned for the corps were pretty decent.

So I stood near the bulletin board, waiting for Nelly to get done with her audition and eventually for the corps list to get posted. And in that waiting I noticed someone walking around that really shouldn't have been there. "Excuse me," I addressed the young man standing in the foyer. "Are you looking for something?" When he turned, I noticed exactly who he was.

Joshua Foley.

"Oh, just looking around," he answered, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I have drum corps auditions in the field house and was wondering what was going on here."

I looked at him, wondering if he remembered who I was. And also wondering what his words meant. "Corps auditions? What corps?" I asked, trying to seem like I had no idea what he was talking about.

"The Crusaders are holding their auditions for this season in the field house," he answered.

"And you're already finished?" I asked.

"Personally, yes; on the whole, no. The low brass is still finishing up, but I finished my audition a while ago. What's going on here?"

I hesitated, but I decided it would be best to tell the truth. "It's funny, 'cause we're also holding drum corps auditions, only they're in the auditorium," I answered.

"Really?" he said, surprised.

"For Northwind. The directors are finishing up with the brass and percussion."

"And you've already auditioned?" he asked. I felt that it really didn't need answer, but I felt compelled to reply.

"Yes, I auditioned earlier today," I answered, then figured I should introduce myself. "Elisabeth Collins, mellophone." I put out my hand and he shook it.

"Joshua Foley, trumpet," he introduced himself. "Do you happen to play any other instruments?"

"Yeah, I usually play flute. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," he answered. "It's just that you don't seem exactly like a french horn kind of person."

"You don't exactly seem like a trumpet player either," I commented. He seemed like he wanted to make a comment, but the words didn't come out. Luckily for him, one of the guard members walked up to me. "Hey Elisabeth, Nell wanted me to tell you to postpone something, except she didn't tell me what," the guard member said. "Apparently Nickels decided to continue the odd audition schedule."

"Yeah, I know what she's talking about," I answered. I didn't understand why she was being so secretive about our plans to go get lunch before the results got posted, but then I never really understood her. "If you can, tell her that we'll go after the audition results are posted and if she's impatient I'll make her hitchhike."

The guard member made her way back to the auditorium and I turned back to Joshua. "How exactly did your directors make the audition schedule different?" he asked.

I suppose it did sound a bit odd. "They decided to change the order that the sections auditioned. Rather than start with the trumpets and go in concert order, the directors decided to start with the mellos."

"And beyond that?"

"They went mellos, contras, trumpets and are finishing with the bari/euphs. Plus, I guess they're taking longer than expected."

"Well, our auditions are taking longer than usual despite going in a normal order."

There was a bit of awkward silence before I proposed, "You might was to head back to the field house. Your corps list might be already posted."

"Yeah," he agreed sheepishly. "I probably should." He turned around and wandered back down the hallway.

I walked back to the auditorium, wondering why there would be another corps, let alone our rival corps, auditioning in the same place, on the same day. Pushing it out of my mind, I arrived just in time to find Nelly walking out of the auditorium with her euphonium. "How'd it go?" I asked.

"Better than last year," she answered.

"That's not exactly all that difficult," I told her. "Last year you tripped and broke your nose while walking up to the auditorium stage."

"It's not my fault I'm an absolute klutz," she responded. "I trip up the stairs every morning."

"You think you'd do something to prevent that," I said. "Like walk around in a giant hamster ball."

"Shut up."

* * *

_Any thoughts? I'm looking for feedback if you've got it._


	2. A Family Affair

_Fourty hours on a bus to a DCA competition gave me inspiration to do what? Write. And as DCI finals are this weekend, I felt that this chapter should be posted. Why? I have no idea, but enjoy reading it anyways._

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_Berceuse_

_Chapter Two: A Family Affair_

They say that all is fair in love and war. You know what I think about that?

Bullshit.

You know why? The sight I'm greeted with when I walk into my house after a two and a half month absence. I walk through the door, in desperate need of a long shower, to see my father at the kitchen table, the divorce papers sitting in front of him.

I had known when I left for junior corps the past May that things were rocky in my parents' marriage. But every time I had heard from either of them over the summer they said that they were working it out. Every letter, every phone call had been a deception. _Everything's fine, it was just a little argument- everything's back to normal, we'll both be waiting for you when you get home._

Fat chance.

My father looked up when my bag landed on the floor with a thud. I had forgotten to tell him I wouldn't need a ride home, so I knew my sudden appearance was a shock to him. "You got a ride home, then?" he asked, acting as though there was nothing unusual happening.

"Yeah, Dave offered to give me a ride home," I confirmed, knowing that if I acted like I hadn't seen anything, things would go more smoothly.

He pushed the papers aside and I could tell that he was about to drill me about the past summer. I had become used to it as it had happened the past two years when I got home from drum corps. "How did you place in finals?" he asked, getting strait to the point.

"We placed fourth in finals," I answered, hoping we could get it over with quickly.

"And Northwind?"

"They placed fifth."

"What was the point difference?"

I hesitated, knowing he wouldn't be happy with what I was about to say. ".03," I answered.

He remained silent and it was absolutely killing me. Thankfully, the doorbell rang and I was reminded that my father had private lessons to teach. He answered the door and left with one of his students, leaving me to my own thoughts.

I sat down at the kitchen table, thinking back over my summer. I enjoyed marching drum corps, and even if I didn't I suppose I'd probably end up doing it anyways. Why? Because my family is obsessive and would force me to march drum corps even if I didn't want to. Which is quite unfortunate, considering I would never make someone do something they didn't want to do.

Sitting at the table, I thought back to the semifinals at DCI. We had performed early that day and I had decided to watch some of the other corps compete. Phantom, Blue Devils, and Cavies had good shows, but there was one corps that caught my eye. Maybe it was because they were our rivals, or maybe it was because my mother had marched with them, but I took particular interest in Northwind. And particular interest in their drum major. At previous award ceremonies I thought that I had recognized her, but it took until that semifinals performance to figure it out. Once I figured it out, I wondered why it had taken so long. The way she acted, her expressions, and especially her long, curly black hair… it all pointed to her.

Elisabeth Collins.

I had met her during my freshman year in high school- we were both rookies, as she was also a freshman. I had seen her around during rehearsal, but seeing as I was a trumpet and she played flute, I really didn't meet her until camp week. She was a bit eccentric, at least that was my first impression after seeing her for the first time. It's pretty difficult to miss someone when their hair is lime green. Anyway, I really didn't know her per say, mostly because we were in different sections and people avoided me since I was the son of the crazy brass instructor. I absolutely hated that image all the way through high school. I was the son of the prick, the asshole, the man who was hated by the entire band. And of course, everyone thought that I got everything because my father knew the director.

Well, that was a load of bullshit. I worked my ass off to get what I had. I worked hard to become the soloist for my rookie season. I wanted that solo and played until my lips bled to get it. And I got that solo not because of my father, but because I deserved it. I proved it to them all at that first competition- winning best soloist seven times that season shut them up.

But I had to keep proving myself. I had to prove that I deserved to make it into the Crusaders before I turned fifteen. Proving that I deserved to be section leader as a sophomore. Proving that I could be a successful drum major of a brand new band, that we were an actual contender. Showing them that I could be a top ten World Class drum major. That I wasn't just another Foley who got along by his connections; that paved his own path and made his own way in the world. And yet, I hated every moment of it.

If there's one thing I hate about being a Foley, it's having to prove yourself in everything you do. Having to prove that you aren't riding on others' coattails; that I was something more than the Foley family name and that I deserved to be seen as what I was.

Myself.

And yet… this quest of me trying to be seen as Joshua was the reason why those divorce papers were sitting on the kitchen table. I was because of me that my parents were separating and I wished that all of this damn Foley family shit wasn't such a big deal. That my father hadn't done like the past six generations of Foleys: had his "teenage rebellion," went into music education where he met my mother, the soft-spoken performance major, who told him she didn't give a shit about his family (okay, maybe not in those exact words), got married and had me, who he later forced to play trumpet to start the whole damn cycle over again, living a lie, deceiving everyone that we were a happy family and that everything was perfect.

I wished beyond wish, hoped beyond hope that I wouldn't be like that in twenty years; that I could be different and not subject my children to that idiocy and madness. Yet that wish stands about a snowball's chance in hell.

* * *

Going back to school was a relief for me. While at school I didn't have to deal with the divorce, minus a few hearings I was called to and the occasional time when my father mentioned it in a phone conversation. Mother was moving to Boston, where she had accepted a position in an orchestra playing clarinet. I progressed in my performance studies and constantly heard about Dave's regrets about choosing to be an economics major. "Why don't you just change your major?" I suggested one evening after dinner.

"Because I've already changed it five or six times," he answered, heaving his backpack onto his desk in our room. "My parents are kind of getting angry with me."

"What were the other majors?" I asked, mostly because I had given up on keeping track on them all.

"Well, originally it was accounting," he started. I laid back on my bed, knowing it might take a while. "Then I switched to chemistry because I realized that accounting is probably the most boring thing I could do. Then it was history because I almost blew up the science building."

"They allowed _you_ near dangerous things?" I asked, shocked at the idea.

"I know," he answered. "I was shocked too. Then business, then calculus, and now economics."

"And if you were (theoretically) able to switch majors, what would you go into?"

"Probably philosophy," he responded, leaning back in his chair.

"You are probably the most indecisive person that I know," I told him.

"Probably," he shrugged. "I'm the most indecisive person that I know. And that says a lot." I sat back up and went over to the closet, pulling out my trumpet case. "You're not gonna go practice again, are you?" Dave asked, already knowing the answer.

"What do you think?" Dave shrugged. "I'm going to go practice my audition materials. You should probably go too."

"Audition materials? What audition?"

"Crusaders."

"Oh yeah. I should probably go do that," he agreed, pulling his mallets out of his backpack.

* * *

Two weeks later, I walked into the Marshville High School field house for my audition. I wasn't particularly concerned about if I would make it, but never the less I decided beforehand that practicing was a good idea.

My audition went as expected. I played the trumpet audition piece and scales, then conducted a few musical segments from the past few years. I didn't have to wait for long before Dave was finished, as he was one of the first mallet players to audition. We were planning to go get something to eat nearby, mostly since Dave was always hungry, when he got a message that he needed to head home for some family business. Rather than go home or go somewhere by myself, I decided to stay at the high school and wait until the audition results were posted. And getting bored quickly, I decided to wander around. Having spent two years of my high school career at Marshville, I figured that it would be easy to navigate the high school. Yet, somehow, I managed to get completely lost.

After wandering out of a locker bay and into what I assumed to be the auditorium foyer, I stopped and turned around, trying to place exactly where I was. "Excuse me," came a voice from behind me. "Are you looking for something?" I turned around to face the person.

Elisabeth Collins.

"Oh, just looking around," I answered, feeling a bit taken back by her appearance. "I have corps auditions in the field house and I was wondering what was going on here."

She gave me an odd look and I wondered if she recognized me from high school. "Corps auditions?" she asked. "What corps?"

"The Crusaders are holding their auditions for this season in the field house," I answered, slightly wondering why she was asking.

"And you're already finished?"

"Personally, yes; on the whole, no," I answered, shrugging slightly. "The low brass is still finishing up, but I finished my audition a while ago. What's going on here?"

She hesitated a bit before answering, "It's funny, 'cause we're also holding drum corps auditions, only they're in the auditorium."

"Really?" I said, slightly surprised.

"For Northwind," she explained. "The directors are finishing up with the brass and percussion."

"And you've already auditioned?" I asked, despite already knowing the answer.

"Yes, I auditioned earlier today." She paused, then introduced herself. "Elisabeth Collins, mellophone." She stuck out her hand and I shook it.

"Joshua Foley, trumpet," I introduced myself. "Do you happen to play any other instruments?" I knew the answer, but I had to ask to make sure it was the right person.

"Yeah, I usually play flute," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," I answered quickly. "It's just that you don't exactly seem to be the french horn kind of person."

"You don't exactly seem like a trumpet player either," she commented. Not a trumpet? I was shocked. I'd never been told that before. I was always that I fit into the Foley family niche of being a trumpet player. I couldn't believe that someone was saying the opposite. I opened my mouth to comment, but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. Thankfully, a brunette girl walked up to Elisabeth with a message about their auditions taking longer that usual and something about an unusual audition schedule. After the other girl left I asked, "How exactly did your directors make the audition schedule different?"

She shrugged. "They decided to change the order that the sections auditioned. Rather than start with the trumpets and go with a concert order, the directors decided to start with mellos."

"And beyond that?" I asked.

"They went mellos, contras, trumpets and are finishing with the bari/euphs. Plus I guess they're taking longer than expected."

"Well, our auditions are taking longer than expected despite going in a normal order."

There was some odd silence. I didn't know what to say, but thankfully she did. "You might want to head back to the field house. Your corps list might already be posted."

"Yeah, I probably should," I said, then wandered back through the locker bay. After getting lost about six times, I managed to make it back to the field house where a group was gathered around a bulletin board.

"Hey Foley, have you seen the corps list yet?" asked one of the contras from last year.

"No, I haven't," I answered. "Why, is there anything wrong?"

"Not really," he said. "It just seems like there aren't as many people on it as last year."

"Maybe they're just being more selective this year," I shrugged. "That might be why it took so long for the auditions."

"Well, at least we have you as drum major," he said. "Is anything different? You seem a lot more relaxed than last season."

"No, everything's normal," I said, taken back. I walked over to the board and looked over the list. It wasn't just that the list was smaller than the previous season; it was probably half of the length of the year before. I didn't understand why they would want to willingly make the corps list smaller when we had come from a sixty person hornline and a fourth place finish in finals. It didn't make sense why we would want to weaken that if we wanted to do better.

Nevertheless, I was drum major (the only drum major, but whatever) and Dave was Pit section leader. Everything turned out as expected and I was looking forward to the corps first rehearsal. At the bottom of the list was a note saying our introductory meeting was the next Saturday at Marshville High School, starting at nine a.m. Surprisingly, I felt ready for the first meeting and the upcoming season.

An unusual feeling, as I had never experienced it before.

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_Reviews are very much appreciated. I thank you in advance._


	3. Surprise!

_So, it's been a bit in between these chapters... Things have been busy for me, mostly because I just started my first year of college. Anyways, I have found time to write and here is the next chapter of Berceuse. I hope you enjoy it._

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_Berceuse_

_Chapter Three: Surprise!_

After having a hell of a week at school, I walked into the Marshville High School auditorium for the introductory meeting. I sat down with Nell, who was sitting by some of the other low brass people and waited patiently for the meeting to start. Well, as patiently is as humanly possible for me, one who is well known for being very impatient. After about five or so minutes I was about ready to hunt down one of the directors and make them start the meeting. Luckily for them, they decided to make an entrance at that point. And luckily for me I wouldn't have a criminal record. The head director, Nickels, looked quite somber, which was unusual for her, as she was probably one of the most energetic people I know. "The meeting will be beginning shortly, so if I could have all of you sit on the left side of the auditorium, it would be greatly appreciated," she said, motioning for those on the right to move. She then signaled for me join her on the stage, which I did willingly as I was getting a bit antsy from sitting for so long.

I joined Nickels and the other instructors on stage and wasn't really able to stand still up there for long either. "Collins, stop fidgeting," Nickels told me.

"Sorry, but that's kind of physically impossible for me," I told her. "I'm not the kind of person who can stand still for very long."

"Then how is it that you were the one in the corps who can stand at attention for the longest?" she asked.

"Well, that's different," I started. "During those sorts of things I could stand still forever. I just can't stand still when I'm waiting for anything. You see, I'm a very impatient person."

"I can see that," she commented. "Well, we shouldn't have to wait long. They should be here soon."

"Who should be here soon?" I asked, or was asking when the doors at the back of the auditorium flew open. And the first person I saw was the person I wasn't expecting to see.

Joshua Foley walked through the doors, followed by about sixty guys, who I figured were members of the Crusaders. They filed into the seats, while Joshua and the man I assumed to be their head director (who happened to look oddly familiar) came up onto the stage. The director nodded at Nickels, who nodded back. I looked between the two with an odd expression on my face, not exactly sure what the hell was going on. Once everyone had settled in their seats, the other director began to speak. "Good morning. For those of you who don't know me my name is Michael Carroway and I am the head director of the Crusaders drum and bugle corps. You're probably all wondering why there are people of the opposite gender in this room, and that explanation is quite simple. Due to decreased numbers of people auditioning for the Crusaders and Northwind, the two corps have decided to combine in order to be able to compete in the upcoming season. I'm sure that you all noticed the decreased numbers that were posted on the corps lists, and if each corps was to try to compete on its own, there is a high chance that neither corps would make it to finals.

"As you were not aware of this when you auditioned, we will not force you to compete in the combined corps if you do not choose to do so. If you do not choose to compete in the combined corps, any money you have paid towards your fees will be refunded to you. If anyone wishes to not compete with the corps, you may leave now."

I looked out into the auditorium, hoping that no one would stand up. In my mind, I really didn't like the thought of a combined corps, but as Northwind was usually one of the last corps to have auditions there really wasn't another corps that I could march with. And I really didn't want to not be marching for my final season. I stood still where I was, but I noticed that a couple Northwind members and a few members of Crusaders stood and left the auditorium. I took a deep breath and looked over at Nickels, who was looking stoic. Once the last person left the auditorium, Carroway continued. "We will now be splitting off into sections, where you will receive your music for this year's show. You will be expected to have practiced the music by our next rehearsal, if not have it memorized." He dismissed the guard and percussion to go with their separate instructors and then directed the brass players to go into the band room. I hung back a bit to walk with Nell and see what she thought about what had just happened.

"Well, that was unexpected," she said when she got onto the stage.

"I suppose it was," I responded. "Although I can't say that it was impossible that something like this would happen eventually."

"I guess so," Nell agreed. "So now there are no World Class all-female corps and two all-male corps left?"

"Yep, just Cavies and Scouts," I confirmed. "Did you see exactly who left from Northwind?"

"I caught a glance. It was one of the drummers and a trumpet player."

"Quite honestly, I don't see their thought process behind it," I said. "It's too late to audition for any of the other junior corps, so they'd be waiting for an injury to march this season. And even if they take one of those spots, they'd be marching co-ed corps anyways. I just really don't see the point of quitting a corps that you have a guaranteed spot in just because they decide to go co-ed."

"Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the way that you do, Elisabeth," Nell told me. "I'd expect that they probably won't march corps this season."

We arrived in the band room, the place where I had practically spent my entire existence at this school and after almost four years it looked exactly the same as when I had left it. "Probably not," I agreed with Nell. "I still think it's kind of stupid, though."

"Of course it is," Nell said. "But not everyone is logical. You're not always that logical either, Elisabeth."

"Of course I'm not logical! I'm the most illogical person that I know. Me being logical would be very unusual."

Nell started walking towards her section and I absentmindedly followed her. "Why are you following me?" she asked. "You don't play euphonium."

"Because I feel like it," I answered. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Go to your section, Elisabeth," she commanded.

"Do I have to?" I asked.

"Yes. Go," she said, pointing to the front of the band room. I trudged back up to the front, where I found Joshua Foley. He gave me an odd look. "You're the other drum major?" he asked, his tone of voice unnerving me a bit.

"Yes," I answered. "I would assume that you're the drum major from the Crusaders?"

"Joshua Foley," he answered, sticking out his hand for me to shake. "And you are?"

I shook his hand before answering, "Elisabeth Collins." I wondered why he was asking, since we had introduced ourselves the week before. He smirked slightly, then turned to look over at the directors.

After brief introductions of the various staff members, the directors introduced the show. Our show would have a Celtic theme, the various movements consisting of traditional Celtic music, the arrangement tying them together and attempting to give it a bit of a contemporary feeling. I admit that I was a bit skeptical when I heard the concept, but after they played the midi version of the pieces, I started to like it a bit more.

After playing the recording, the directors decided to split into sections, directing the various sections to go with their instructors. This, of course, meant that I was stuck with Joshua, who seemed to be a lot different than the last time I had seen him.

"Well," Nickels said when the sections were filtering out to their various areas. "We are hoping that we can get an instructor to help the two of you, but at the moment we've got nothing." She handed each of us a score. "Until then, you'll have to work on your own. The percussionists will soon be using the band room, so you'll have to find a practice room to occupy, but do your best to try to start memorizing the music." She left to go supervise the various sections, leaving me with Joshua.

The two of us found an empty practice room, and I sat in the nearest chair. I looked over the score for a bit and waited for Joshua to say something. The silence was a bit constricting for me, and figuring that we needed to get something done during this rehearsal, I chose to speak. "So," I began, then stopped, kind of unsure as to what to say. But somehow I managed to keep going. "I'm Elisabeth Isabella Collins, drum major of Northwind. This is my fourth year marching drum corps, eighth year marching total, and my second year as Northwind drum major. I went to Marshville High School, were I marched for four years, two of those years on flute and two years as drum major. I'm in my third year of college, going for a degree in music education." I stopped for a moment, to make sure he was paying attention. Sure enough, he was looking right at me. "What about you?"

He was quiet for a bit before he began. "I'm Joshua Alexander Foley, drum major for the Crusaders. This is my sixth year marching drum corps and my second year as Crusaders drum major. I went to Arden Lake High School, marching trumpet before I became drum major for my senior year. I am also in my third year at college, studying for a degree in music performance and a minor in music education," he answered stiffly. He looked very uncomfortable the way that he was standing, and I wondered why he didn't sit down since there was a chair right behind him. He didn't continue, so I figured it would be best if I suggested something to do.

"Well, now that we generally know each other, do you want to look over the score a bit? Otherwise, I really don't know what we would do for the remainder of rehearsal today," I suggested.

"That's fine," he answered. I raised an eyebrow and started flipping through my version of the score. As far as I could tell, it was pretty decent. There were, naturally, some harder sections either in notes and/or tempos, but overall it seemed to be a strong musical book, at least for the brass. As for percussion, I really didn't know enough to declare whether or not their musical book was difficult or not. My main thought was how the directors had managed to get this entire show ready without anyone finding out about the merger of the two corps. It was a little strange in my opinion, but I supposed that they would have managed, considering the circumstances. Anyways, I sat in my chair, looking over my score and Joshua stood in the corner, looking over his. There was a bit of an awkward silence, but I ignored it, knowing that he probably wouldn't be in the mood for conversation. In any case, I looked back at my score, looking for the things that I would need to memorize for our show. The opener had some interesting moments, one being that the full ensemble didn't enter for about thirty measures. There was a trumpet solo that began the show, and if I knew visual instructors correctly, the rest of the corps would be performing some sort of visual thing in the background. I hoped that they wouldn't be facing backfield, mostly because that would mean that either Joshua or I would have to run backfield. It wasn't very enjoyable. I had plenty of experience from my junior year and did not enjoy it at all.

After a good amount of time, Carroway walked into the room and summoned us. "As interesting as what you happen to be doing seems, the two of you are needed in the band room for an ensemble meeting." He gave Joshua a look and walked out of the room. I closed my score, stood up and exited the room after Joshua. He seemed to be acting odd, but I brushed it off, figuring that he was getting used to the whole "combined corps" thing. I was still getting used to it, but I have a tendency to go along with change pretty easily. Walking into the band room, I looked around for Nell, who luckily had a spot open next to her. I sat next to her and waited for Nickels and Carroway to give their announcements.

They didn't have many announcements, just the usual practice before the next rehearsal; don't do anything stupid, those sorts of things. The next rehearsal was in a month, where we would have a weekend camp and we could all expect to get our asses handed to us due to the hell that they were going to put us through. For the hornline, percussion and guard that meant that they would be sending death threats to the directors, but for me, I really didn't know what to expect. Last year I conducted for a while, but mostly it involved me and the assistant drum major picking the lock into the teacher's lounge and watching TV for several hours. By the second day, Nickels decided to give us an actual time frame so she didn't have to send someone to find us every time she needed us to conduct for a bit.

After the announcements were finished, I looked over at Nell. "Any plans?" I asked, knowing that she probably would want to go out and get something to eat.

"Yeah, one of the pit members I met in our percussion/horns transition in and out of the band room is going to be meeting us at the Lakehouse in fifteen minutes," she answered.

"Sounds good," I agreed, mostly since that restaurant had the best food within a fifteen mile radius. "Do you want me to drive?"

She twitched slightly. "That would be preferable," she answered. While Nell had her license and was an excellent driver, she absolutely detested having to drive and would only drive when she had to. It was the reason why we always carpooled to corps rehearsal, since we lived a couple of blocks away from each other. And I suppose it did save gas and all that good stuff.

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled my car into a parking spot at the Lakehouse and Nell and I walked into the restaurant. I waited for Nell to find this mysterious pit member, and once she found him she signaled for me to come over. "Elisabeth, this is Dave Eriksson," Nell introduced. "Dave, this is Elisabeth Collins. Dave is pit section leader and Elisabeth is one of our drum majors."

"One of the drum majors?" he asked. "Then you'll already know this guy." He signaled to his right. Joshua was sitting next to him, poured over his score, obviously not paying attention to what was going on around him. "Right Joshua?" Joshua didn't reply, or make any notion that he had heard Dave to begin with. "Joshua?" Still nothing. "Earth to Joshua, are you there?" Dave proceeded to prod Joshua in the side with the backside of a fork, causing Joshua to whip around to face Dave. "WHAT?" Joshua exclaimed.

"It's nice of you to join the world of the living, Joshua," Dave commented, smirking.

"What do you want Dave?" Joshua asked, not noticing that Nell and I were standing nearby.

"Are you really _that_ oblivious?" Dave asked, jerking his head towards Nell and me.

Joshua looked up and a surprised look came over his face when he realized that we were standing there. "Why are they here?" he asked suspiciously.

"Did you ignore me on the entire car ride here?" Dave asked.

"I always do, you should know that by now," Joshua responded. "I usually don't pay attention when you start talking."

"Thank you for that," Dave said.

"You're welcome. That still doesn't answer my question."

"Nell and Elisabeth are joining us for lunch, Joshua. Mind your manners," Dave told him.

"I should be the one telling that to you," Joshua commented. "You're the one who always manages to get us in trouble."

"Anyways," Dave continued. "Joshua, this is Nell Engle and Elisabeth Collins. Nell plays euphonium and you'll already know Elisabeth, so let's eat. I'm starving."

"You're always "starving," Dave," Joshua commented. Dave shot him a glare and Nell and I sat down. I glanced over at Joshua for a moment and saw an expected emotion on his face.

For some reason, he looked scared.

* * *

_Reviews are very much appreciated. I thank you in advance._


	4. Family Influence

_Yes, this is a bit overdue. But rather than bore you with the excuses as to why, I'll let you read it instead._

* * *

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Four: Family Influence_

Once Carroway directed us into the auditorium and I saw Elisabeth Collins, I knew exactly what was going on. We were merging with Northwind. Honestly, I had known for quite some time that it was going to happen eventually. The number of people auditioning for the Crusaders had been slowly dropping since I had joined the corps. I should have expected it. But I didn't. And the one thing ran through my head at that moment.

_Shit, how am I going to tell Father?_

It wasn't of what was going to happen to the corps, or what was going to happen in the upcoming months, but what my father was going to say. I had thought I had gotten over that. Unfortunately, I was wrong. So after thinking that I was screwed in any situation of trying to tell him, I decided that the best option was to not tell and wait for the aftermath of him finding out through another source. In my previous experience, I suffered less when I wasn't the one telling him. So that's what I went with.

I only half paid attention to the rest of rehearsal. I ended up doing the typical first rehearsal as a drum major meaning getting stuck in a practice room with your co-drum major and looking over your score for an incredibly long period of time. With the way that I was acting, Elisabeth probably thought I was some sort of nut job with multiple personalities. Being back in front of the Crusaders meant one main thing. I had to act like the Joshua Foley that they knew, meaning the hard-nosed drum major who could make things spontaneously combust if they looked at him the wrong way. That image was, unfortunately, another byproduct of having my father as a corps alumnus.

After rehearsal Dave mentioned something about food, meaning that we were going to The Lakehouse, a restaurant not too far away from Marshville High School where we happened to go after every winter rehearsal. Dave was hungry, a constant state of being for him, so I got into the car and started driving, ignoring most of the words that were coming out of Dave's mouth. My mind kept creeping back to how my father was going to take the news of the Crusaders becoming co-ed. After all of the years of not caring what my father thought or what he said, it bothered me how much I was thinking about his reaction.

When we arrived at the Lakehouse, Dave and I found a table and I began looking over my score. I wanted to get it memorized as quickly as possible to avoid any possible issues that Carroway would throw at me. In my previous five seasons in the Crusaders, I had become accustomed to Carroway's way of doing things, which would be that if you didn't know what you were doing, he would torture you until you learned it. I had run into a slight issue with him last season when I hadn't had my entire score memorized by the first camp weekend, and was subjected to a good deal of embarrassment due to it. Also, I wanted to get a better look at something I had noticed when I was stuck in the practice room with Elizabeth. One of the first things I had noticed about the score was that the show started with only one player. The entire corps rested for the first thirty or so measures of the show while a solo trumpet introduced the main melody that occurred several times in the show. The solo showed a good deal of difficulty, and despite not knowing any of the abilities of the trumpets from Northwind I figured that any of the players auditioning would have some difficulty with it. Right as I was reading over the solo, I felt a sharp jab in my side. I sharply turned to face Dave. "WHAT?" I half yelled, aggravated that he was disrupting me.

"It's nice of you to join the world of the living, Joshua," Dave smirked.

"What do you want Dave?" I asked, staring at him.

"Are you really _that_ oblivious?" he countered, jerking his head to the left. I looked up to find Elisabeth and another girl standing at our table.

"Why are they here?" I asked, quite confused as to what was going on.

"Did you ignore me on the entire car ride here?"

"I always do, you should know that by now. I usually don't pay attention when you start talking."

"Thank you for that," Dave said.

"You're welcome," I responded. "That still doesn't answer my question."

"Nell and Elisabeth are joining us for lunch, Joshua," Dave told me. "Mind your manners."

"I should be the one telling that to you. You're always the one who manages to get us in trouble."

"Anyways," Dave continued, ignoring my comment. "Joshua, this is Nell Engle and Elisabeth Collins. Nell plays euphonium and you'll already know Elisabeth, so let's eat. I'm starving."

"You're always "starving," Dave," I commented and Dave shot a glare at me. I shot him a look of annoyance. Through the past four years of carpooling to drum corps, you would think that he would realize that I didn't enjoy it when he attempted to "hook up" with girls from Northwind. We sometimes had winter camps at Marshville on the same weekend, and after every rehearsal Dave would invite some girls to join us for lunch. I honestly should have predicted it since it happened so often. And now I get to look forward to this even more. Wonderful.

"So…" Dave began, looking at me to initiate the conversation. I gave him a look and he sighed, turning to Nell and Elisabeth. "We had some pretty interesting news today, didn't we?"

"I would think that's an understatement," Elisabeth said, sitting down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the table. "That's something pretty big to be announcing on the first rehearsal."

"It's either that or have neither of the corps make it into finals," I said, giving up on trying to study my score. "Doing well in finals is something that every corps focuses on, so the directors will do anything to achieve that, even if it means drastic measures."

"Do you always have to do that?" Dave asked.

"What would you be referring to?"

"Making me feel like an idiot. It seems every time you talk I start to feel more and more stupid," he answered.

"It's not my fault logic makes you feel stupid, Dave," I responded. "It's also not my fault that I happen to use common sense when analyzing situations."

"You know, sometimes I really wonder why I room with you."

"Often I wonder why I agree when you ask me to be your roommate," I said. "Especially when you decide to change your major for the seven billionth time."

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm indecisive. And just because you've known what you want to major in since you were ten doesn't mean that you're better than I am."

"No, it doesn't. But it does mean that I'll graduate before you do."

"Sorry to interrupt your argument, but what exactly are you two majoring in?" Nell asked.

"Trumpet performance," I answered before Dave could say anything. "And with him, it depends on the time of day."

"No it doesn't," he said defensively before adding sheepishly. "It's more of the day of the week."

"Well what does it happen to be at the moment?" Nell asked.

"Psychology," Dave answered.

"I thought you said yesterday that it was philosophy," I said.

Dave paused for a moment. "Maybe it was. I don't really remember at the moment. It would probably be better to ask me what my major isn't rather than what it is. I know for sure that it's not Music, Physics or English, but beyond that, I couldn't tell you what it actually is."

"In short, he's a junior in college who's still an undecided major," I summarized.

"It's not my fault I'm indecisive!" Dave said. "I blame my parents. It's gotta be something with how I was raised."

"Either that or you're just a failure," I commented and Dave glared at me. Before Dave could comment a waiter came to our table for our orders. Being the ever persistent gentleman, Dave allowed Nell and Elisabeth to order first. And being the ever persistent ass, he inserted his own order before allowing me to talk. "I'll take the grilled cheese," I told the waiter, who nodded before walking off.

"You know, you could try something different for once," Dave said, continuing to be an ass. "There are loads of other things on the menu."

"Unfortunately, those "loads of other things" have meat in them," I countered. "Besides salads, there aren't exactly a lot of non-meat options on the menu."

"Right, you're still on your vegetarian thing," Dave remembered. "How long has it been?"

"Two years," I answered.

"You're a vegetarian?" Elisabeth asked, seeming skeptical.

I nodded. "I know it seems unlikely, but yes."

"And here I thought you were just a prick with a stick up your ass," she said. "Turns out you actually have feelings and morals."

"Nah, that's his dad," Dave inserted, shrugging.

"No, it's not," I said, looking down at the table. "I wouldn't give him that much credit. He's a heartless son of a bitch with no feelings or sympathy for anyone else. All he cares about is himself."

When I looked back up I saw that Nell and Elisabeth looked slightly freaked out by my outburst and Dave looked slightly concerned. "Do you have some repressed feelings about your father that you would like to discuss with us, Joshua?" Dave asked. "Keeping feelings such as these to yourself is very bad for your health, and I think it would be good for everyone if you shared them. After all, we don't want you to go crazy psychopathic killer on us when we're on a bus somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I would prefer to not have my life story turned into a horror movie."

"Wouldn't kill everyone, Dave," I said. "Just you, because you're annoying."

"That's real reassuring."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

The food arrived shortly and Dave started to talk to Elisabeth and Nell about college or something. I zoned out, not paying attention as I felt that if I continued talking I would share things that I did not want to share with anyone else. My anger with myself and my father was leaking out whenever I talked, so I stayed silent while the other three chatted away. We were almost done with eating, Dave picked up the tentative schedule that they had given us at the end of rehearsal. "Hey Joshua," he addressed me. "When's your birthday?"

"June 21st," I answered, unsure of why he was asking.

"I knew that date looked familiar," he said. He turned at me and grinned. "Our first show is on your birthday."

I grabbed the schedule only to find that Dave was right. "Shit."

"I hate to break it to you Joshua, but profanity isn't going to change it," Dave said and I glared at him.

Elisabeth glanced down at her watch. "And on that note, we should get going," she said, looking at Nell. "My parents are expecting me. How much do we owe?"

I reached for the bill, but Dave grabbed it first. "Don't worry about it. We've got it covered," he said.

"Are you sure?" Nell asked. "I'm more than willing to pay for my food."

"Don't worry about it," Dave repeated. "Go and enjoy time with your families." Elisabeth and Nell thanked us and after saying goodbyes, they left.

I looked over at Dave. "'We've got it covered? I hope you don't think I'm gonna pay for more than my own food."

"Please Joshua?" Dave pleaded. "If we each pay for half, then I won't be stuck eating peanut butter and crackers for the next week."

"It was your idea," I reminded him. "They were perfectly willing to pay for their own food, but you decided that we should pay for all of it. You got yourself into this, you can get yourself out."

"Pretty, pretty please with cherries on top? I won't pester you about anything for the next month."

"That's unlikely."

"Please Joshua?" he asked, attempting to give a 'puppy dog' face. It made him look like he was constipated. "Pretty, pretty, pretty please?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll help you pay."

"Yay! I can actually eat real food now!" he exclaimed. "Okay, so if you pay for yourself and Elisabeth and I pay for me and Nell, we should be good." I rolled my eyes again and pulled out my wallet.

* * *

After dropping Dave off, I drove home, thinking about my situation. If I was to tell my father of the merger then, I would most likely be forced to quit the Crusaders. While having my father yell at me on my birthday for not telling him of the merger for several months seemed intimidating, I decided that it was preferable to not being able to march for my age-out season. This plan, however, was driven from my mind when I pulled into our driveway. Sitting in the driveway was the very recognizable green car.

My mother was visiting.

I cautiously made my way to the front door, straining to see if I could hear if my parents were discussing anything of importance. As my mother was living in Boston, she must have had an important reason to come all the way to Arden Lake, Minnesota. Quietly, I opened the front door and stepped into the entryway. Sure enough, my mother's suitcase was sitting in the front hallway. I set down my backpack and slipped off my shoes, listening to my parents' conversation. "I'm not telling him what to do, Alexander. I'm just giving him the option," my mother said.

"I find it very unlikely that you drove all the way from Boston to give him 'the option,' Natalie," my father answered. "If you wanted to offer it to him, wouldn't it be easier to call?"

"I have two months off, Alexander. I came back to Minnesota to visit my family. All of them live around here, remember? And he's my son. I can come and visit him if I want to; I don't need your permission to visit Joshua." I could hear that they were coming towards the front hallway, so I hung up my coat and tried to make it up the stairs before they arrived. I was halfway up the stairs when they saw me. "Joshua, what are you doing?" my father asked, seeming slightly angry.

I stopped and looked at the two of them. "I was going to go take a shower," I said, feeling slightly intimidated.

"Rehearsal would have ended a few hours ago," my father said. "Where were you?"

"It's his own business where he was, Alexander," my mother said. "He's in college. You shouldn't be watching over him like a hawk."

My father ignored her. "Well?"

"Dave wanted to go get something to eat, so we went out with a few of the new members of the corps," I answered, hoping he wouldn't press further into the issue.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"Nate and Eric," I lied, knowing that if I had told the truth he would have figured out that the corps had merged.

"What do they play?"

"Euphonium and mellophone."

"Are they rookies?"

"No, they marched with another corps for the past few years and decided to march with us this year," I answered, hoping that he would stop.

"Carroway finally got his recruitment issue figured out then?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good. He was talking before of merging with Northwind," he said and I glanced down at my feet. "It's good to know he didn't resort to that." My mother elbowed him and he paused. "Your mother has something she wants to ask you, Joshua."

I looked over at her. "Go take your shower first," she said. "We'll be talking for a while, so you might as well do that now."

I nodded and continued up the staircase. After showering, I went back downstairs to the kitchen where my mother was sitting at the table. Father was nowhere to be found. "Where's father?" I asked her.

"He had to go out to get a few things for dinner," she answered. "Plus I think he wanted to give us some space for a bit." She motioned for me to sit down. "I have something that I want to ask you."

I waited for her to start. She pulled at her hair. After seeing my parents fight with each other, I knew that this was a nervous habit of hers. "Well, I was just wondering how things were going around here," she said, continuing to pull at her hair. "And I wanted to say that if you wanted to come live with me during school breaks I'd be okay with that."

I was so shocked by what she was saying that I couldn't bring myself to answer. She paused for a while before continuing. "So Carroway decided to merge the Crusaders with Northwind?" she asked. "You really need to get better at hiding when you're lying, Joshua."

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Ever since you were little you always look at your feet after you lie," she said, smirking. "You're lucky your father's too dense to notice. So I'm assuming that the two people you and Dave went out with after rehearsal weren't named Nate and Eric."

"No," I admitted.

"So who were they, then?"

"Their names are Nell Engle and Elisabeth Collins," I said. "Nell plays euphonium and Elisabeth is the other drum major this year."

"Their names sound familiar."

"They both went to Marshville High School and both of them have been marching with Northwind for the past few years." I paused. "You won't tell Father, will you?"

She shook her head. "No. I wouldn't force that kind of situation on you," she said. "I was married to him for over twenty years- I know what it's like."

I heard my father's car pull into the driveway. "It looks like he's back already," my mother said, standing up. "I don't want to make you decide anything right now, Joshua, but if you ever decide that you would like to come to Boston, the offer is always there."

She stood up to go open the door for my father, who was attempting to carry several bags of groceries. I continued to sit at the table. I didn't know what to think. After the shock of finding out about the corps merger, I wasn't expecting any of this to happen. All I wanted to do in that moment was to go back to college and escape all of it. To go back to the practice room that I had reserved for three hours a day and sit and practice my trumpet. To escape reality.

But I couldn't. So I sat at the kitchen table, unsure of what to do or where to go from there.


	5. Awkward Moments

_So, it's chapter five. I have to say that this chapter was pretty enjoyable to write, despite the fact that it took a while to decide where I wanted to go with the chapter. And as usual, I hope you enjoy reading it._

* * *

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Five: Awkward Moments_

"Elisabeth," a voice called my name. I ignored it, rolled over, and pulled the covers over my head. "Elisabeth, get up."

"Go away," I told them. "It's way too early to be waking up."

"Elisabeth, get up willingly or I'll force you to get up."

"Oh stuff it." Whoever it was sighed and I heard them walking out of my room. I curled back up under my blanket, but a few moments later I felt a cold rush on the back of my neck. I jumped up and found Nell standing next to my bed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, I came over because we were going to carpool to rehearsal today, but when I got here you weren't awake, so I had to wake you up," she said.

"Why was it so cold?" I asked.

"That would be snow, Elisabeth. You know the white stuff that's all over the ground this time of year?" Nell said, looking at her watch. "You've got ten minutes before we're leaving."

"But I'm the one who drives, so shouldn't I determine the time that we leave?" I said.

"You have ten minutes before I take your keys and drive your car to Marshville High School," she told me. "And your mom gave me permission to do that since you weren't waking up."

"But you hate driving," I said, hoping this would persuade her to let me go back to sleep for a little longer.

"Yes, I do, but its eight thirty and rehearsal starts at nine, so if you don't get up and get ready, I'm leaving without you," she said.

"It can't be eight thirty already," I said, looking at my clock. Sure enough, it said that it was eight thirty. "Oh shit."

"Yeah, so get up and we're leaving in ten minutes." She walked out of the room and I scrambled to get dressed and get my things together. I ran down the stairs just as Nell was putting her coat back on. "Get your shoes and coat on," she told me. "We're leaving."

"I am, I am," I told her, slipping on my sneakers and grabbing my coat off the hook. "Do you want me to drive?"

"If you can get us there on time, yes," she answered and I grabbed my keys out of her hands. We arrived at the high school fifteen minutes later (due to some bad timing at stoplights) and basically ran to the doors. Then it turned out that we were rehearsing on the opposite side of the school, which involved a bit more running to get there on time. Thankfully, Nell's euphonium case had wheels. I ran into the field house, skidding to a stop a few feet from Nickels. "You're late, Collins," she told me, giving a strange look.

I looked at my watch. "No I'm not. I'm twenty seconds early."

She rolled her eyes. "You should be more than twenty seconds early, Collins," she reprimanded.

"I would have been, had I not hit every single red light."

"You should have allotted more time to get here, then."

"I should have, but I was sleeping," I shrugged. "I have eight o'clocks everyday, so I should be allowed to sleep in every once in a while."

"You could go to sleep earlier," she pointed out.

"How many college students do you know that go to sleep at a decent hour?" I asked. "It's a part of the rules."

Nickels rolled her eyes. "Whatever. We're starting soon, so go stand over by Foley."

I walked over to where Joshua was standing, talking to one of the visual instructors. "You know Foley," the visual instructor said. "You are completely and absolutely fucked."

"It's nice to know that that's your opinion on the matter, Finney," Joshua said, giving him a sharp look.

"Well, you gotta admit that it's true. Not telling Alexander about this is basically asking to get your soul raped."

Joshua ignored him, and noticed that I was approaching. "Finney, this is Elisabeth Collins, our other drum major this year," Joshua said, obviously trying to change the subject. "Elisabeth, this is Elliot Finney. Finney previously marched with the Crusaders and has been a part of our visual staff for the past few years."

I stuck out my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Finney took my hand and kissed it. "Enchanté, mademoiselle."

"Despite his charms, Finney is actually a complete asshole," Joshua said, glaring at Finney.

"And Foley here is an absolute coward," Finney said, dropping my hand. "The bastard hasn't even told his dad about the merger yet."

"Well Finney, as you so graciously put it, I am "completely and absolutely fucked," so I am preferring a few more months of life before I am horrendously murdered by my father," Joshua said with a sour look on his face.

"Hate to break it to you Joshy boy, but I don't think you'll have that long," Finney said. "You'll be dead within a day of Carroway making the announcement of the merger."

"And I hate to "break it to you" Finney, but the corps staff has decided to refrain from informing anyone of the merger until after the first show."

Finney gave Joshua an exasperated look. "You're shitting me, right?" he asked.

"Go ask Carroway yourself, Finney," Joshua said, smirking. "It's what he told me." Finney grumbled and stalked off, obviously angry.

"So how exactly do you know him?" I asked Joshua when Finney had left.

"He was my section leader my first year with the corps," Joshua said, watching as Finney was talking to Carroway. "And he took trumpet lessons with my father for several years."

"Trumpet lessons?" I asked. "So it's like a cult then?"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"The trumpet players here," I elaborated. He still looked confused. "It's like every trumpet player who is in the Crusaders takes lessons from your dad. And half of the other sections too." I paused, thinking. "That's gotta be a lot to live up to."

He snorted. "My grandfather was one of the co-founders of this corps. We've always been stuck with high expectations."

"We?" I asked. "Do you have any siblings?"

"What?" he looked puzzled. "No, I'm an only child."

"But you said "we." That implies that you're talking about more than one person," I said.

"I didn't intend to imply that. I meant to say I."

"That's not what you said," I pressed, despite that he seemed to be getting angry with me.

"I may have said it, but I meant to only refer to myself," he said, looking peeved.

"Then why did you say it?" I asked. "There must have been something in your subconscious that compelled you to say we rather than I. So what was it?"

"How the hell should I know?" he snapped. "If it's my subconscious that's compelling me to say it then how would I know what I meant?"

"Even if it's your subconscious you still can think of what you meant," I told him, knowing I shouldn't press him further but continuing to do it anyways. "It's not like I'm asking you what the meaning of life is. It shouldn't be that difficult."

"The Foleys," he said suddenly.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"When I said we I meant the Foleys," he answered. "My family- my father, my mother, my grandparents."

"And why would you say that?"

"Like I know?" he said angrily. "I gave you an answer; you should be happy with that."

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something? 'Cuz you seem really cranky today," I provoked again. I probably should have stopped, but I've never been one for taking things into consideration before I talk.

Carroway called us over before Joshua had a chance to eat my soul, which I was quite thankful for. "High brass will be starting in visual rehearsal and low brass is going into sectionals. Each of you should pick a group and go with them. Hornline techs will have timeframes for rehearsals today."

"I'll take the low brass," I said, thinking that I could talk with Nell during breaks. Joshua nodded and we split up to go to our different sections.

* * *

Four hours later I ungracefully plopped myself down on at a lunch table in the cafeteria. The corps was providing lunch for the day, but as the line was a bit too long for my tastes I decided to wait until it had thinned out. Being absolutely wiped out, I put my head on the table and closed my eyes. A few moments later, I heard that Nell had showed up. "Elisabeth, what are you doing?" I heard her ask.

"I'm examining the insides of my eyelids," I said. "I have to say that they're looking pretty good."

"How is it that you're always tired?" she asked, sitting down.

"Well, this week it was because I was stuck doing chordal analysis for three full length orchestral scores," I answered, lifting my head up and leaning it on my elbows. "Besides wanting to shoot myself, it drained all of the energy out of me."

"Are you going to eat anything?"

"I'm waiting for the line to get shorter. I'm not really in the mood for standing in line."

"Lazy bum."

"That's me. And if I wasn't, you wouldn't love me as much."

"You just keep telling yourself that, Elisabeth."

"Good morning drum corps friends," Dave said, walking up to us with his food. "Do you mind if we sit with you?"

"No problem," I answered. "Go ahead." Dave sat down next to Nell.

"Dave, you do realize that it's the afternoon, right?" Joshua asked, sitting down besides Dave.

"It is?" he asked. "Since when?"

"Since about an hour ago," he answered, looking down at his watch. "It's shortly after one o'clock."

"Just a question, but is it let's make Dave feel like a douche bag day?"

"That's the first time I've said anything to you all day," Joshua answered.

"Well, it must be let's make Dave feel like a douche bag day in the pit. I've been getting yelled at for my mallet technique all day," Dave said. "I feel like a loser." He looked at Joshua. "Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not particularly hungry, so I'm waiting until the line is shorter to go and get food," he answered. "Why do you care?"

"Because you never eat very much. Sometimes I wonder if you've got some kind of eating disorder."

"I assure you, I don't have an eating disorder. I'm just not really hungry."

"That's what they all say. You've probably got some kind of body image issue that you're hiding from all of us. Next thing I know I'm gonna find you puking in the bathroom and crying about how you're not thin enough."

"I don't have an eating disorder, Dave," Joshua repeated, getting angry with Dave. "I like eating. I find it to be quite enjoyable, I'm just not that hungry today. Just because someone doesn't have a bottomless pit for a stomach like you do, it doesn't mean that they have an eating disorder. Besides I'm not the only one at this table who doesn't have their food yet."

The entire table looked over at me. "I don't like standing in line, so I'm waiting for everyone else to get their food before I go and get mine," I answered.

"See Joshua? She's just lazy. Now about your eating disorder…"

"I do not have an eating disorder!" Joshua said, standing up quickly. "If you'd pull your head out of your ass Eriksson, maybe you'd see that." He turned around and stormed off.

"Oh fuck, I made him angry again," Dave said. "I was only joking. Now someone's gonna have to bring food to him."

"Where do you think he went?" Nell asked.

"The practice rooms," Dave answered, taking a bite of his food. "He's been practicing that trumpet solo like crazy. I have no idea why since he'll be conducting, but he has. Are either of you willing to bring him food? He'd probably eat my soul if I went anywhere near him right now."

Nell shrugged. "I really don't know the guy, so I'd prefer to not."

They both looked at me. "Oh fine, I'll go do it," I said, rolling my eyes. "But you owe me."

"Yeah, but I'm okay with that," Dave said. "I'm not, however, okay with getting my soul eaten by my roommate."

"But you don't know Elisabeth," Nell added. "You might have just gotten yourself into a worse situation."

"You don't know Joshua," Dave countered. "He's fucking scary when he's angry."

"What should I get for him to eat?" I asked.

"Well… I suppose anything without meat would work," Dave shrugged. "As long as it doesn't have meat in it, he's not that picky. Although I'm not sure what doesn't have meat in it, so you'd have to ask. It's weird, 'cuz he usually packs his own food in situations like this."

"Why wouldn't he today?"

"I dunno. We didn't carpool this morning, so I haven't seen him since yesterday. I headed home last night and I think he came here straight from school this morning. He's probably trying to avoid his dad."

"Why would he do that?" Nell asked.

"Joshua and his dad don't get along too well. They got into a pretty bad argument the last time Joshua was home from school, and since then Joshua's been avoiding him," Dave answered. He looked at me. "You might want to go get food before people rush over for seconds."

I went and got food and then headed toward the practice rooms. When I got there all of the rooms were empty except one, and hearing trumpet playing coming out of it, I knocked on the door. Well, more like kicked the door since both of my hands were full. The door opened and Joshua stood there, giving me a strange look. "I brought you lunch," I said, showing the plate of food and water bottle that I was balancing in my left hand.

"Thanks," he said, seeming a little taken a back. He put down his trumpet and took the food from me, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I asked. He shook his head and held the door open for me to come in. I sat down on the floor and Joshua sat down across from me. For a while we didn't say anything, but after a while I couldn't stand how quiet it was. "So how did this morning go with the high brass?" I asked.

He swallowed. "Pretty well. We spent most of the sectional time working on the 3/4 section of the opener," he said. "What about you?"

"The same," I said. "Is the food okay?"

"Yes. Any reason why it wouldn't be?"

"Just wondering. I really didn't know what you wanted, so I just sort of grabbed a whole bunch of stuff," I answered.

He snorted. "It's better than Dave," he said. "Last time I asked him to get me some food he got me barbeque ribs and meatloaf. I then proceeded to throw it at his face."

I laughed. "Note to self, don't get Joshua any food with meat in it," I chuckled. "I wouldn't want that to happen to me."

"Dave's the only one I would ever think of doing that to," he said. "He deserves it since I have to put up with rooming with him all the time."

"So what exactly were you practicing?" I asked, taking another bite of my sandwich.

He was silent for a bit before answering. "I was practicing the trumpet solo from the beginning of the show," he said.

"Any particular reason why?"

"Because I'm going to audition for it," he answered, looking straight into my eyes. "If I can play it the best, I should deserve to get the solo."

"But aren't people going to protest about it?" I asked.

"Of course they are," he answered sharply. "But I don't care. I've dealt with it before and made it through it, so this time won't be any different."

"Did you ever go to Marshville High School?" I asked suddenly.

"I graduated from Arden Lake," he answered, trying to avoid answering the question.

"Well yeah, you've already said that. I mean before Arden Lake opened. Did you go to Marshville?"

He paused. "Yes."

"Were you in the marching band?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, for two years," he answered, obviously aware of where I was going with it.

"And you had the trumpet solo freshman year, right? That's what you meant about dealing with it before." He didn't answer. Instead he stared down at his food. "We've marched together before; why didn't you say anything? And why did you act like such an ass before?"

"Because you've met my father," he snapped, looking up at me. "You've met him. You know how hard it is to be seen as something different than that? I act like that around here because that was the image that was given to me by my father. I do what I have to."

"Why not just join a different corps?" I asked. "Then you wouldn't have to deal with all of this."

"If I even considered joining a different corps my family would disown me," he said sourly. "This corps is my family's legacy. If I, the only family member under the age of twenty-one, were to join a different corps I would be disowned and have to move to Boston and live with my mother."

I didn't say anything for a bit. "Your parents are divorced, aren't they?" I asked.

"Yes," he snapped. "What does it matter to you?"

I grabbed my plate and stood up. "I'm sorry. I guess I really wasn't thinking," I said. "I'll leave you alone now if you want." Not knowing what else to do, I walked towards the door.

"It's not your fault," he said quietly. "It's my own fault."

"Well, I'm sorry anyways," I said as I pulled the door closed behind me.


	6. Black Sheep

_It's been a while. I had some difficulty getting this written, so hopefully things work the way that I intended. This chapter is dedicated to Elaine Kaelar for all the wonderful reviews. I'm hoping that maybe this chapter will answer some of those questions, although it'll probably bring up more questions than it answers. Happy reading!_

* * *

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Six: Black Sheep_

After Elisabeth left the practice room I set my plate down and leaned back against the wall. I hadn't meant to snap at her like I did, but the subject she was pressing me on was a sore one. My thoughts immediately went to my father, specifically the argument that had happened two weeks previously. I had gotten a phone call from him on Friday night, which was incredibly unusual for him as he typically had brass choir at Arden Lake to direct. "Joshua, I need you to come home this weekend," he said.

"I have a meeting with my accompanist tomorrow morning to work on my piece for juries, Father," I told him. "Is it okay if I come home after that?"

"Yes, yes, that's fine, you just need to get home whenever you can," he answered and hung up the phone without another word. After my meeting in the morning, I headed straight home only to find that my father wasn't home. Two hours after I arrived at home, my father stormed into the house. "What the hell took you so long?" he yelled once he saw me sitting at the kitchen table.

"I told you yesterday that I had a meeting for preparation for my juries this morning," I answered, unsure of the reason why he was so angry with me.

He ignored my answer and went straight to the point of my visit. "What the fuck is this?" He slammed some papers onto the table in front of me. I briefly scanned them over. They were letters from my faculty advisor, Dr. Hammond, in response to my father's inquiry as to what coursework I was taking and what my declared major was. "Performance? What the fuck would possess you to go into performance? You had told me you were going into education."

"I had told you that I was getting a teaching degree, Father," I said, trying to stay calm about the matter. "I am getting a teaching degree in case I am unable to find a position performing, but I am majoring in music performance."

"As my son, you will not be majoring in performance. I won't allow it."

Those words were the ones that made me forget about staying calm. "It's my decision," I yelled back at him. "Why the hell do you care? You made your own decision and lived your own life. You can't change the fact that you fucked up by making me do what you want. It's your own damn fault."

"How dare you speak to me like that! I'm the one who taught you everything you know, I'm the one who has guided you through everything, I'm the one who's funding your education. You should be grateful for what I'm doing for you."

"Grateful? You think I should be grateful? Everything you've given me, you've made me take- it's never a gift from you. I've never had a choice in the matter. You never give anything willingly. All you do is take from people and expect them to be grateful to you for it. Well I'm not going to put up with it anymore. I don't care if you're paying for my education. I'll pay for it myself. I'd much rather have a degree in something that I want to do rather than something that _you_ want me to do." I shot up out of my chair, grabbed my backpack and headed towards the door.

My father grabbed my arm. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he spat.

"I'm leaving," I told him, pulling my arm out of his grasp. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I'm leaving. I'm leaving you to live your own pathetic existence by yourself." I walked out the door and slammed it behind me without looking back. I drove back to school as fast as I could, probably breaking the law, but I didn't care. I had to get away as fast as possible. Once I got back to my dorm, I dropped my backpack on the ground and threw myself onto my bed. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go back home, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. Remembering what my mother had said the last time she had visited, I rolled off of my bed and walked over to the telephone. Quickly dialing the number, I waited for her to answer. "Hello?"

"Mother? It's Joshua," I said.

"Joshua, it's great to hear from you. How are things going with school?" When I didn't answer, she asked, "Joshua is something wrong?"

"Can I come stay with you over spring break?" I asked, hoping that it would be enough of an explanation.

"Of course you can. But what's wrong? Before you had said that you were going to stay with your father over spring break."

I told her everything. About the phone call, the argument, leaving- about how I couldn't go back after what had happened. "I can't stay there, Mother," I said. "I can't do it anymore."

"I'm sorry, Joshua," she said. "If I had known things were that bad, I wouldn't have left."

"It's not your fault," I said. "It's not like you could have known that this was going to happen. If it's anyone's fault it my own for not seeing this coming."

"The reason he's taking it out on you is because you're the only one left," she sighed. "I should have stayed."

"There's nothing we can do now," I said, knowing that it was unlikely that she was going to give up her side of the argument.

"No, I suppose not. Are you going to be okay, dear?"

"Yeah, I'll figure something out, I guess."

"Is Dave there?" she asked.

"No, he went home for the weekend," I answered, slightly confused as to why she was asking. "It's his brother's birthday. Why do you ask?"

"If he was there, I would have liked to talk to him. You say he's at home for the weekend?"

"Yes, he's at home," I answered.

"Okay," she said. "Good luck, dear. I hope things get better." We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone. A few minutes later the phone rang. It was Dave. "Joshua, are you alright?" Dave asked when I answered. "Your mom told me what happened."

"Depends on what you consider to be 'alright,' Dave," I told him. "But it's nothing that you should worry about. I'll be fine."

"You sure don't sound like it, Joshua," he said. "And while it might sound sappy and girl-like, if you need to talk about your feelings I'm willing to listen. Although I might have the feeling to hurl, I'm willing to do it for you."

"Dave, I really don't care about your feminine side," I told him.

He laughed. "It's good to know you're back to normal, Joshua. I'd love to continue this conversation, but I've got cake to go eat. Talk to you later."

Dave didn't say anything when he got back the next day and everything over the next few weeks happened as though nothing was wrong. I heard nothing from my father, much to my surprise. I had expected phone messages or letters, but there was nothing. I wasn't going to write to him either. I had nothing more to say that I hadn't already said. Although it felt like the incident hadn't happened, there was still a pulling in the back of my mind that would make me remember it. I found that I wasn't able to focus, and my schoolwork and playing were suffering because of it. "Joshua, is something wrong?" Dr. Hammond asked me during my trumpet lessons. "You seem to have something on your mind. Some of the other professors have noticed it too."

"It's nothing, sir," I answered. "Things have just been a little off lately."

"I'm thinking it's more than you're saying, Joshua. Your father has been acting strange as well. For the past few weeks he has been inquiring as to your coursework, but I haven't heard from him recently. While you may not want to say what it is, I know that something is off. I would encourage you to figure this out, or your education could suffer."

The fact that my professors were noticing unnerved me. I focused on my studies, and things improved, but there was always that lingering thought in the back of my mind. And then there was the issue of the Crusaders camp that was coming up. I knew that I couldn't stay at home for the two days that we had camp, but I had nowhere else to stay. I stayed on campus the night before and drove to the camp early in the morning, but then there was the issue of where I was going to stay overnight.

I put my trumpet back in its case, grabbed my plate and left the practice room. If I was going to have a place to stay overnight that wasn't the backseat of my car, I needed to talk to Dave. I made my way back into the lunchroom just as Carroway was making announcements about the rest of the day and what was going to happen the next day. I wasn't paying complete attention to what he was saying until he came to an announcement about auditions for the trumpet soloist. "Auditions for trumpet soloist will take place tomorrow afternoon. Those who wish to audition should have the solo memorized and be ready to perform it tomorrow," he said before dismissing us to get ready for the rest of the day. I made my way over to the table where Dave was sitting with Elisabeth and Nell. "Pleasedon'tkillme!" Dave squeaked, flinching when I sat down next to him.

"I'm not going to kill you, Dave," I told him. "Then I'd have to clean up the mess and dispose of your body. It'd be too much of a hassle."

"It's nice to know that your laziness is the reason why I'm still alive," Dave said.

"And if you want to stay alive, then keep your mouth shut," I told him.

"You know that's physically impossible for me, Joshua," Dave said, shrugging. "This is me we're talking about, remember."

"I know, but if you value your life, try anyways."

"If I were you Dave, I'd find a new best friend," Elisabeth said, grinning. "Otherwise I don't think you'll be living for much longer."

"I've been told that before," Dave said. "But I don't think I'd ever be able to find someone else that's willing to tolerate me."

"Elisabeth, didn't you need to get something out of the car?" Nell asked.

"I did?" Elisabeth asked. "Oh right, I did! Just gimme the keys and I'll go get it."

"Sorry, but I don't trust you," Nell said. "I'm going out there with you."

"It's my car, so gimme the keys, Nell."

"It's your parents' car and they said to make sure that you didn't do anything stupid, so this is my way of making sure that you don't do anything stupid. Now come on." Nell stood up and grabbed the back of Elisabeth's shirt.

"I'm coming, now let go Nell," Elisabeth said, shrugging her off and following her.

Dave looked over at me after they left. "Sorry about earlier," he said. "I was just joking around. I didn't mean to actually insult you or anything."

"It's fine," I told him. "Things haven't been going well lately, you know?" Dave didn't say anything, so I figured that it was the right time to ask. "Do you think I could stay at your place for the night?"

"My place? Why would you need to do that? Aren't you going home-" He stopped talking, realizing his mistake. "Yeah, it should be fine. Matt's off on some class trip to the Boundary Waters, so you can stay in his room."

"Thanks," I said, standing up.

"Where are you going?" Dave asked.

"I'm going to go get ready for the rest of rehearsal today," I told him. "You probably should too."

"But what if I don't want to?" Dave asked.

"Then it'll continue to be 'Dave is a douche bag' day in the pit," I told him. He paled slightly, stood up quickly, and sprinted off towards the auditorium where the pit was rehearsing.

* * *

"So…" Dave started once we were both standing in the front entryway of his house. "Here we are. You have clothes and stuff, right?"

"Yes," I answered, shifting the bag on my shoulder. "I brought enough to last me until I go back to school after rehearsal tomorrow."

"Good, 'cuz I really didn't want to have to lend you any of my clothes," he said over his shoulder while pulling off his shoes. "You'd look funny, since you're kind of scrawny compared to me."

"I'm sorry that I don't enjoy eating food as much as you do, Dave," I said. "And that doesn't mean that I have an eating disorder. It just means that you'll end up being obese once your metabolism slows down."

"Well, let's just hope that doesn't happen for a while then," Dave said, walking into the kitchen where his parents were. "Come on then, don't just stand there. You're not going to do any good standing in the doorway."

I slipped off my shoes and followed Dave into the kitchen where his parents were standing, discussing something of importance. "Hello Joshua," his mother greeted. "It's wonderful to see you again. How are you doing?"

"Quite well, thank you," I answered, standing uncomfortably next to the counter.

"You're lucky today," Dave's father said. "While Matt is gone this weekend, both Andy and Victoria spontaneously decided to come and visit."

"If they're staying here this weekend, I can find another place to stay," I said. "I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

"It's fine, dear," Dave's mother insisted. "It's been pretty quiet here with only Matt and Wren, so it's nice to have everyone here."

"Plus you can't leave without playing with Wren, Joshua," Dave added. "She's been asking when you were going to come and visit."

I felt torn about the matter. I didn't want to impose on the Erikssons, but I didn't want to disappoint Dave's little sister Wren, who was only six years old. Being an only child and not having any siblings myself, I always enjoyed spending time with Dave's siblings, as he had four of them. Every time that I tried not to impose on Dave's family, Dave would always pull the little sister card and I would end up staying. Not that I didn't enjoy their company, but I always felt that I was imposing on them. "I guess I'll stay, then."

"Good, dinner will be ready in a half an hour," Dave's mother said. After dinner and spending some time with Dave and his family, I made my way up to Dave's brother's room where I was going to be staying for the night. Despite the fact that I enjoyed spending time with Dave and his family, I always felt awkward spending time with them. Maybe it was because my family never had that kind of intimacy or because my family had such high expectations for me, but things were never as relaxed in my family as they were in Dave's. It always made me feel slightly envious of him and what he had, especially since relations with my father were so strained.

"Hey Joshua," Dave said, knocking on the door. "You decent? I don't want to come in if you're running around naked."

I walked to the door and opened it, to find Dave shielding his face. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"I don't want to see you if you're running around with no clothes on," he said with his hands over his face. I smacked him in the head, and he looked at me. "What was that for?"

"Why in the world would I run around your house wearing no clothes?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe you've got some kind of weird fetish or something. I don't know what you do in your free time." I hit him again and he winced. "Stop doing that!"

"What did you want?" I asked.

"Just wondering what's up with you," he said. "You're acting really weird. Even my family's noticed it. I know that you probably don't want to talk about it, but I am going to make you talk about it whether you like it or not."

"Okay."

"What?" he asked, surprised at my answer.

"I said okay. I'm perfectly fine with that. Actually, it would be nice to get this off of my chest."

I walked back into the room and Dave cautiously followed me. "I wasn't exactly expecting you to agree with me so willingly," he said. "I thinking I might have to dropkick you or something…"

"Well, you don't. I'm perfectly fine with discussing this, since I can't really discuss this with anyone else." I sat down on the bed and Dave sat at a chair across from me. "So what do you want to know?"

"Well, I hadn't really gotten this far in my planning," he admitted. "Most of the plan was getting you to agree to do this. Beyond that, I really hadn't thought about any of it. Although I guess I was wondering why the hell you're acting so weird today. I know it's probably because of your dad, but you've been acting particularly weird."

"I…" I started, but lost the words that I needed. "It's just being stuck between a rock and a hard place, you know?" I said after a while. "I suppose it's because I don't have a home to go to."

"You've got your mom," Dave said. "It's a place to go home to."

"Except that it's in Boston," I said. "And it's not really a home. Mother lives in a one bedroom apartment. While Mother lives there, it'll never be home."

"Well, even if we aren't blood related, you've always got me and my family. If you ever need a place to stay, we're always here for you."

"And I'm thankful for that," I told him. "But even with that, I don't have a home, Dave. And that's probably the hardest part of everything."

* * *

"So Foley, excited for the solo auditions today?" Finney asked me the next afternoon.

"Depends on what you consider to be excited, Finney," I told him. "Am I looking forward to having to listen to every trumpet player who thinks they're the best thing since sliced bread? No. Am I looking forward to playing the solo myself and showing them how shitty they play? Yes."

"You're auditioning yourself?" he asked. "How's your father going to take that one?"

"I don't give a damn about what my father thinks."

"First player auditioning, please come to the front of the room," Carroway said, getting the attention of the room. The way that we had always auditioned for solos in the Crusaders was a bit different from a usual solo audition. Potential soloists always auditioned in front of the entire corps as a way to see if the soloist could handle the pressure of playing the solo in front of a large group of people. Carroway always said that if a person couldn't handle the pressure of playing in front of the people they were spending four months of their life with, they most certainly couldn't handle playing in front of thousands at DCI finals. There had been a sign-up list for everyone who wanted to audition and I had signed up my name at the last possible moment so that I would be the last to audition.

Listening through the auditions, there were several well trained trumpet players with well developed ranges, but the issue that I noticed with their playing was in the most difficult range jump in the solo. The leap was one that only the most experienced players could play well and one that I had spend a long time trying to perfect before the audition. I was sure that any of the players that had auditioned could have played the solo well with practice, but the thing that I needed to prove was that I could play it that well now and make it even better after four months of practice.

"Last solo audition," Carroway said, pausing before he read off my name. "Joshua Foley."

I could tell that people were surprised that I was auditioning, especially those who had been members of the Crusaders the previous year. A year before I had blatantly said that as drum major I refused to audition for a soloist position, no matter whether or not I was the person who could play the solo the best. I stopped in the front of the room and I could feel that everyone was waiting for me to play. I brought up my horn and after receiving a nod from Carroway, I played the solo, playing all of the dynamics and articulations. After I finished I brought down my horn and headed back to where I had been sitting. Carroway announced that the soloist would be posted by the end of the day and that we would be heading into sectionals before full ensemble rehearsal at the end of the day. I was putting away my trumpet when Carroway called me over to him. "Yes?" I asked when I arrived.

"Why did you audition?" he asked bluntly. "Wasn't your reason for not auditioning last year that your father wouldn't approve so you refused to audition? Why did you audition this year?"

"Because it doesn't matter," I told him. "My father has all but disowned me, so I really don't care what he thinks anymore."

Carroway looked as though he wanted to say something in response, but all he did was nod and left to speak with Nickels. I turned back around with all the intention of putting away my trumpet and heading off to the high brass to assist with sectionals. Except that I didn't get that far.

When I turned around I saw Elisabeth Collins. And the look that she was giving me made my stomach drop.


	7. Insight

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Seven: Insight_

"Because it doesn't matter anymore. My father has all but disowned me, so I really don't care what he thinks anymore."

I looked up to see Joshua talking to Carroway. I couldn't see his face as he was talking, since his back was towards me, but his words were shocking to me. As far as I knew, one of the things that Joshua Foley cared about was his father's approval. At least that's what I had gathered during our years in marching band together and over the past few months.

Picking up my bag, I walked over to Joshua to hopefully ask him what the hell was going on. I was a few feet away from him when he turned around and I watched the color drain out of his face. Even I, one of the densest people when it comes to judging people's feelings, could tell that he was not expecting me to hear that and that he wanted to run away as fast as possible. Thinking fast, I grabbed his arm and pulled him over to Carroway. "Hey Carroway, do you think that Joshua and I could spend some time today working on our conducting?" I asked. "I've been noticing some significant differences in the way that we conduct, so I think that it would be really helpful for everyone if we were allowed to have some time to work on our conducting."

Carroway raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged. "Do whatever you need to. As long as you don't get in the way or do anything stupid, I really don't see a problem with it," he said.

"Thanks!" I said and walked off, pulling Joshua behind me. "You know Joshua, I was thinking that the both of us really need to look at how the other is conducting…"

I quickly pulled Joshua into one of the practice rooms and sat him down across from me on the floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Joshua asked, obviously not catching on to what I was doing.

"I'm forcing you to tell me what is going on with you, Joshua Foley," I said, looking him straight in the eyes. "I can tell that there is something considerably wrong with you, and I don't care how long it takes, but you are going to tell me what it is."

"There is nothing wrong with me," he said, standing up. I grabbed his arm and yanked him back down.

"Stop lying, Joshua. Something drastic happened over the past month and you're acting incredibly moody and weird. So what happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"I know something happened and I'm not going to back down until you tell me."

"I'm telling you nothing happened," he insisted, then looked at his feet.

"You're lying and I know it. Now what the hell happened, Foley?"

"Why the hell do you care?" he asked suddenly.

"Because you're my friend," I told him. "And if there's something wrong with one of my friends, I like to know what's going on. Just ask Nell. Last year when her cat died she was acting really weird and even though she didn't want to talk about it, I didn't leave her alone until she did. It's just the kind of person that I am."

"Well, you're worrying yourself for nothing because there's nothing wrong."

"I know something's up, Foley. You've been acing weird all weekend and after you flipped off at Dave, he said that you were having issues with your dad. So what is it?"

He quickly glanced up at me. "What did Dave tell you?"

"He said that you weren't on really good terms with your dad at the moment. And that you drove straight from college yesterday morning, so I'm assuming that whatever happened between you and your dad didn't turn out very good."

He looked back down at his feet and stayed silent for a while. "A couple of weeks ago my father asked me to come home from college," he said. "When I got there he started yelling at me, telling me that he wasn't going to allow me to major in performance in college. I was fed up with him constantly telling me what I could and couldn't do, so I left. I told him that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore, that I wasn't going to stay with him anymore, and that he could live his own pathetic existence by himself."

I really didn't know what to say after that. My family always got along pretty well and in a million years I would have never expected that to happen to me and my family. So I just sort of sat there with my mouth half open, looking like some sort of fish. I was glad that Joshua didn't look up, since I probably looked like an idiot. "That's gotta suck," I said after a while.

"No, really?" he said sarcastically, looking up at me.

"Okay, what else do expect me to say?" I asked. "I'm not exactly the best with words here." I stopped for a moment to think. "You had a place to stay last night, right?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Well, I would feel kind of bad if you were stuck sleeping in your car or something."

"Why would you? It's not like it's your fault or something," he said.

"Well, I dunno. I just would feel kind of bad. If I had known yesterday I would have offered to let you stay at my place last night," I said. When his eyes widened, I realized how that had sounded. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant that you could sleep in the guest bedroom at my parents' house."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because it's a place to stay. Even though it's not my issue I would still feel bad if you didn't have a place to stay. My parents have always been like that, so I guess it sort of seeped into me too."

"Thank you, but I don't think that'll be necessary," he said.

We sat in silence for a moment before I could think of anything to say. I knew for a fact that Joshua didn't want to continue on with the conversation and would have preferred to sit in silence, but I also knew that I couldn't stand it. I needed to keep talking. "You know," I said after gathering my thoughts enough to string a coherent sentence together. "You don't have to shoulder this on your own."

He looked startled. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

I was tempted to make a sarcastic comment, but I knew that would only make him angry at me. "I mean that you don't have to keep this to yourself," I explained, looking down at my shoes. "I know that I probably don't understand what you're going through since my family is a whole hell of a lot different from yours, but I'm willing to listen. And if you don't want to talk to me, I'm sure you can always talk to Dave or find someone else that's willing to listen. We care for you, Joshua." I looked back up at him. "It's okay for you to talk about things with other people. If you keep things to yourself, it'll only get worse."

He didn't say anything for a bit. "I'm not sure if I know how to do that," he muttered.

"But you can try, right?"

He sighed. "I guess so."

I grinned and stood up, dusting off my shorts. "Good. Now that we've got that cleared up, it's time to get back to sectionals," I said.

"Weren't we in here to work on our conducting?" Joshua asked, standing up.

"You really think that I was telling Carroway the truth?" I said, laughing. "The entire point of that was to get you to talk. I never actually intended to work on our conducting. Hell, we've got months of working together to get that down." I turned around and started to leave. "Now let's get going to sectionals before I have the urge to ask you anymore deeply personal questions."

I opened the door and was leaving when Joshua grabbed my arm. "Thanks," he said.

"Don't mention it," I answered. "Just don't expect me to be so nice next time, got it Foley?"

Joshua didn't say anything; he just nodded and left, heading toward the areas where the high brass was working on their music. Despite the fact that I knew that Joshua had told me the truth about the entire thing, I had a feeling that he had omitted something from me. I couldn't tell what it was, but for some reason it made me nervous.

* * *

The next few months flew by. School, work, and corps kept me busy and before I knew, it was time for move-ins. Winter camps for the Crusaders (the corps decided to take that name, rather than deciding on a new name for the corps, and to be completely honest it did sound cooler than Northwind) passed quickly, and we spent most of that time working on the music for the show, although at some of the later camps the hornline did manage to get the opener on the field. I was relieved to find out that the corps would be facing front field during the beginning of the show, since we wouldn't have another conductor with Joshua as the soloist.

As soon as I was done unpacking my stuff from college, I was packing up my things and heading off to spring training. Thankfully, the corps decided to use the facilities at one of the colleges not too far away, rather than at Marshville High School like Northwind had used in years past. The college was about an hour north of the cities, making it an easy drive for me and Nell. "I claim top bunk," I told her once we had checked in and brought all of our stuff to the room we would be sharing.

"You'll be changing your tune after we've been out in the sun for twelve hours and you don't want to climb up to your bunk," she said, throwing her bag on her bed.

"Whatever," I said, opening the window and letting the breeze come in. "I doubt that's going to happen."

"I don't," she said. "You did it during all of those years in high school. Including senior year when you went as far as to steal my bed because you didn't want to climb up to yours and I had to drag you off of it."

A knock came from our door and I opened it to find Dave standing in the hallway. "Hey ladies," he greeted. "Finding the arrangements acceptable?"

"Yeah, it's great," I answered. "A lot better than last year when we were staying at the high school. Is there anywhere around here that we can get something to eat?"

"Dinner's supposed to at six o'clock, so you'll probably have to wait until then. If you want I can show you around campus while we wait."

"Sure, that sounds great," I answered. "Wait, how do you know your way around campus?"

"The Crusaders have had spring training here for the past few years and this is where Joshua and I go to school. Didn't I tell you that before?" I shook my head. He shrugged. "Well, this is it. And just like last year, Joshua and I ended up in the same dorm room as we had during the school year. I should have just left all of my shit here rather than moving it all home and then moving it back a week later. Would have made my life a hell of a lot easier."

"You mean you moved all of it back home?" Nell asked. "Couldn't you have just asked the hall association to let you keep your stuff here for the week? I know they do that at our school for students who are staying on campus over the summer."

"I actually never even thought about that," Dave said. "They probably do that here too; I guess I just don't pay attention. I'm sure Joshua's more informed about that sort of stuff."

"What did he do with his stuff for the past week?" I asked. "For that matter, did he actually go home?"

"Joshua's been shipping stuff off to his mom's for the past few weeks. He sent off pretty much everything that he didn't need for the summer," Dave answered. "He brought the rest with him when he stayed at my house."

"So he hasn't been home, then?"

Dave sighed. "As far as I know, he hasn't talked to his dad in the past few months, let alone gone home to see him."

"Do you know where he is?" I asked, hoping that maybe I could go talk to Joshua.

"He was in our room last time I saw him," Dave answered. "Room 311."

"Thanks!" I said before rushing out of the room and up the stairs. I found my way to room 311 and saw that the door was open. I was about to walk in when I heard Joshua talking. I only heard his voice, so I figured that he was on the telephone. Rather than burst in while he was on the phone, I decided to wait outside the door. "I'm willing to try and work things out Mother, but I'm not willing to back down on this one. If he wants to settle this argument then he can contact me, but I've got more important things to worry about than his opinion about me. He was the one who decided to start this and I'm not going to back down until he admits that's he's wrong."

There was a pause for a bit before he started speaking again. "I realize that, Mother, but he was the one who started all of this. I've let him get the last word far too many times before and I don't care if it's childish, but I am not going to let him get the last say this time." He paused for a moment. "I've been sleeping fine, Mother. It hasn't been as bad as it's been in the past. It's the same as it usually is; you don't have to worry about it." He said his goodbyes to his mom and hung up the phone. I waited a few moments before knocking on the door and peeking my head in. "Hey Joshua, Dave was going to show us around campus. Do you want to come with?" I asked, pretending like I hadn't been eavesdropping on his conversation for the past couple of minutes.

He looked a bit shocked that I was there, but at least it didn't seem like he noticed that I had been standing outside of his door. "Uh, sure. I just finished unpacking and we don't have dinner until six, so I suppose I could go with you." He grabbed his keys and locked the door after we left. We met Nell and Dave on the ground floor and headed out to look around campus. Dave was really good at showing us around campus and telling us about the different buildings and such (apparently he had a job as a tour guide during the school year), but Joshua barely said a word the entire time we were walking. He occasionally said something when Dave would say something to him, but he said quiet pretty much the entire time.

"And on your left is Joshua's second home, the music building," Dave said, pointing to a red brick building to our left. "It's one of the newer buildings on campus, right Joshua?"

"Yes, it was built about five years ago," Joshua answered.

"Do you want to take a look inside?" Dave asked me and Nell. "If we have a rainy day we usually end up rehearsing in there since it has the right facilities." Nell and I both agreed and we headed into the building. It was a pretty nice music facility, much better than the ones we had where I went to school. We were walking past some of the ensemble rooms when we heard someone calling out to us. "Joshua Foley!"

We turned to find a tall, grey haired man walking towards us. "Dr. Hammond," Joshua responded. It might have just been me, but it looked as though Joshua had tensed up slightly.

"Spring training has begun then?" he asked Joshua.

"Yes sir," Joshua answered. "We begin rehearsals tonight after dinner."

"Good, good," Dr. Hammond said before pulling an envelope out of his briefcase. "I was told to give this to you, Joshua. You'll know what it's about."

Joshua grabbed the envelope without saying anything and the color drained out of his face. I wasn't sure what about that envelope would have caused it, but I was definitely curious. "Thank you, Dr. Hammond," he said after a moment. Dr. Hammond nodded, then turned and left.

I saw Dave look over at Joshua with an interesting look on his face. I could tell that Dave knew something about what was in that envelope, but he knew that Joshua wouldn't want anyone else finding out about it. "Continuing with our tour," Dave continued like we hadn't had any interruptions. "We can go see the auditorium if you want to."

"That sounds great," I said, following Dave and Nell down the hallway.

"I'll catch up with you guys later," Joshua said, putting the letter in his pocket. "I've got something I need to attend to. I'll see you at dinner."

"Are you sure, Joshua?" Dave asked. "We can head back with you if you want us to."

"No, it's fine. You guys keep going, I'll see you later," he answered, walking the other way down the hall.

"Are you sure we shouldn't go after him?" Nell asked Dave when we started heading the other way.

"Nah, he'll be fine. He's just got some stuff he needs to take care of," Dave answered. "He'll get it sorted out and we'll see him at dinner."

Except that we didn't see him at dinner. And when he didn't show up for the rehearsal that evening, I knew that something was definitely wrong.


	8. Deceit and Decisions

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Eight: Deceit and Decisions_

I am a liar. I've always been one. It's what I get for being a Foley. We're all liars and we always will be. It's what we get for living a lie.

I lied to my mother. She can usually tell when I'm lying, so I have no idea if she actually fell for it or not. I haven't been sleeping well, but that's nothing new. I've had problems sleeping for years. When I was younger it wasn't very bad so we didn't worry, but it started to get worse when I began taking trumpet lessons from my father. They told my parents that it was stress and that if I took some medications and tried some relaxation techniques that it would go away. The medications had the opposite effect and relaxation barely helped, if at all. I've been a diagnosed insomniac since I was eleven. I've learned to live with it, just like I've learned to live with everything concerning my father, but every time he does something concerning me I get less and less sleep. I detest the fact that he has control over me like he does, but despite everything I've tried I can't do anything. I had barely gotten four hours of sleep the night before I talked to her and it had been like that for weeks. So I lie to my mother, to keep her from worrying about me and my health because if I told her the truth she'd try to help even though there's nothing she can do about it.

I lied to Dave. I never tell him the whole truth about anything, as much as I try to. I know that he can see through it all, that he knows more about what's going on then he lets on, but I still refuse to tell him about everything. I feel like a horrible person, lying to his face like I do, but I still don't do anything to tell him the truth. I didn't tell him everything when he confronted me at his house, or the many times he tried to talk to me after that at school, because something compelled me to lie to him. I've never told him the whole truth about anything concerning my father, because I knew that he would never be able to understand it all. His family was so drastically different from mine that I knew that he would never understand what I was going through. So I lie to Dave, because I know that he can never understand.

I lied to Dr. Hammond. All of the times that he asked about my father during lessons and after class and during advising meetings, I lied to him and said that everything was going well with my father. I know that he's been in contact with my father recently about my studies. I've known all along that he knows that I haven't spoken to my father in the past four months. He knows my family and my father, and he knows everything that is happening, but I won't admit it to him. So I lie to Dr. Hammond because I know that he knows, and I can't let it affect my studies.

I lied to Elisabeth. She's tried so hard to understand what was going on with me, despite the fact that we barely know each other, but I still lie to her every time she confronts me. I know that she knows that I'm not telling her everything and that I'm always leaving something out. She's always so forward about everything that I'm reluctant to tell her anything. No one has ever treated me like she does, not my mother, not Dave, not even the few girls that I dated in high school. She tries so hard to understand me and what I'm going through, but I lie to her. We barely know each other, but I'm afraid of her knowing the truth. I can't even admit it to myself. So I lie to Elisabeth because I'm afraid of her knowing the monster that I truly am.

The only person I don't lie to is my father. He's the only person I tell the absolute truth to. It's ironic, in a way. He's the one person in this world that I hate and yet he's the one that I trust the most. I give him that honor because he's the one who's turned me into what I am.

* * *

I knew what was in that envelope from the moment I first saw it. It was from him. My father. It was his handwriting on the envelope. I had seen him write my name like that dozens of times. _Joshua Alexander Foley_. Writing my name was almost as simple as writing his own. Two-thirds of it was the same, after all. Just by seeing my name on that envelope in his handwriting I knew what was in it. His critique.

He had showed up to my juries two weeks before. I hadn't spoken to him in months, let alone gone home to see him, but there he was, sitting in same row with the other faculty members, waiting for my performance. I suppose I should have expected it. My father was technically an adjunct professor at my university, having taught brass classes in the past. Adjunct professors weren't usually allowed to be a part of the juries, but since he was my former lesson teacher and Dr. Hammond was not only my lesson teacher but also the head of the department they probably needed another faculty member to judge my performance.

My performance went well. I only had one slight slipup during one of the more difficult passages in my first piece, but I got right back onto it and finished the piece without any more difficulties. My other piece went without any hitches and I left feeling confident with my performance, until after I put away my horn, that is. I was the last person performing that day, and after I went to put away my horn I saw my father exiting the auditorium with Dr. Hammond and Dr. Neis, the other professor who had judged my performance. While Dr. Hammond and Dr. Neis greeted me and said that I had done well with my performance, my father said nothing. He said nothing and all he did was look at me with contempt that made my stomach drop. The look on his face made me dread the day that I would get his critique.

But there it was. I walked back to my room as fast as I could and sat down on my bed. I sat there with every intention of opening that envelope and reading my father's critique, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I sat on my bed, willing myself to be able to open that envelope, but I couldn't do it. So I tried to distract myself. I put the envelope on my desk and grabbed my score in order to study it some more before rehearsal that evening except that I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't bring myself to open the envelope, but I also couldn't bring myself to do anything else. I sat there, struggling as to what to do for well over an hour. I didn't go to dinner like I told Dave that I would. I couldn't possibly show up to dinner without looking at what was in that envelope. Five minutes before rehearsal was supposed to start I forced myself to open the envelope. I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it through rehearsal without finding out what my father had to say, no matter how much I didn't want to hear it. I opened the envelope and with shaking hands I pulled out the papers. Inside was all of the critique from that day, from Dr. Hammond and Dr. Neis, as well as from my father, but there was only one that I cared about reading at the moment. I discarded the other two next to me on my bed and grabbed my father's critique. There were no comments written at the top of the page about my performance, like there was on the other two. Instead there were only six words written at the bottom of the page where a "grade" would typically go.

_Not suited for performance level studies._

I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't know what to do. I was angry and upset, but I refused to be the one to contact my father, which meant that I couldn't call him to find out why he wrote that. Except that I didn't need to call to find out his reason behind it. I knew it already.

And that downright pissed me off. I waited until after rehearsal started and then made my way back to the music building. I was running on autopilot by that point- I was far too angry to care about what was happening around me. Once I got to the music building I headed straight to Dr. Hammond's office. He was bound to still be there if he was on campus that day and if he wasn't I really didn't give a damn. I was going to give him a piece of my mind whether he wanted to hear it or not. His door was open, so I burst in and threw my father's critique on his desk. "What the hell is this about?"

He looked up from his paperwork and grinned slightly after seeing why I was there. "I had a feeling that you would be coming back here," he said calmly, leaning back in his chair.

"Why the fuck did you even let him sit in on my jury? You know damn well that he has been trying to get me to drop my performance major, so why the hell did you let him sit in on it in the first place?"

"He's been trying to get you to drop your performance major?" he asked, acting like he didn't know exactly what had been happening in the past few months. "Now why would he want to do that?"

"You know exactly why," I said, stepping back and starting to pace across the length of the room. "You've known exactly what's going on this entire time. Just because I never said anything about it doesn't mean that you know nothing. I know for a fact that you've known what's been happening for the past four months."

"And what exactly do I know?"

I glared at him out of the corner of my eye. He was acting so smug about it, making me repeat it all despite that he knew exactly what had been happening. I knew that he did. "That my father has been trying to get me to drop my performance major ever since he asked you about my coursework. That I told him that I didn't give a damn about what he thought anymore and that I left. I haven't spoken to him in four months and the only time I saw him during that time was when you allowed him to show up at my jury. So why the hell did you let him come?"

"That's something that you already know, isn't it?" he asked. "Since I'm the head of the department and attend all of the juries for instrumentalists we needed someone knows your playing to be the third person on our panel. Your father is the only other person who you've taken lessons from as well as an adjunct professor here, so he was the ideal person to chose."

"So that's it then? He doesn't want me to be a performance major, so I fail my jury? That seems like a pretty shitty way to run things if you ask me."

"Don't worry, that's not how we did it," he said, waving it off. "Once Dr. Neis and I saw what your father wrote we threw out his opinion."

"Then what was the point of letting him be there in the first place?"

"To prove a point."

"And what the hell was that?"

"Oh, I'm sure you already know exactly what the point of it was," he said smugly, leaning back in his desk chair.

"Well excuse me if I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I said, continuing to pace across the room. He was being so infuriatingly vague that I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm sure you can figure it out, Joshua," he said, continuing to smirk which made me more pissed off than I already was. I was about to say something more when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in," Dr. Hammond said.

Carroway poked his head into the doorway before entering. He walked into the room and glanced at me before looking at Dr. Hammond. "Stephen," he greeted and Dr. Hammond nodded in return. Carroway turned to me. "Why the hell aren't you at rehearsal?" he asked, looking angry with me.

I walked over to Dr. Hammond's desk and picked up my father's critique. "This," I spat, thrusting it out in front of him. He took the paper and looked at it briefly before looking back at me. "That is all the reason I need."

He sighed, placing the paper back onto Dr. Hammond's desk. "No matter what is happening in your life right now, you are a part of this corps and that takes precedent. You know that once you move in with the corps it becomes your life and it is your entire focus. No matter what else is going on your obligation is to the corps."

"I don't give a damn about the corps anymore," I said. "The only reason I'm here in the first place is because of my father. The only reason I stayed is because of family obligation. I could care less what happens."

"I think it's a bit more than that," Carroway said.

"Really? And how the hell would you know anything about that?"

"If you were only here because of your family, you would have been the first one to walk out of that auditorium when we announced that we were merging with Northwind. You would have told your father about it right away and you sure as hell wouldn't have stayed. You stayed because you care about the future of this corps. If you didn't care about that you wouldn't have stayed and you wouldn't have auditioned to be the soloist." I didn't know how to respond to that. All retorts that I would have made disappeared and my mind went blank. "You have a decision to make, Joshua. It's your choice whether you wish to continue with this corps or whether you wish to act otherwise. I hope that you'll join us tomorrow, otherwise you should book a plane ticket to Boston." He left without saying another word, leaving me dumbfounded. I didn't know what to think.

"Since that's been decided," Dr. Hammond started, interrupting my thoughts. "I think there's nothing more that needs to be said on the subject. Now kindly get out of my office." I quietly grabbed my father's critique and walked out of Dr. Hammond's office. I walked back to my dorm unsure of what to do next. Did I really care about the future of the corps? The reason that I kept coming back to the Crusaders was that I had to. It was my family's legacy and I couldn't possibly audition for another corps. It was the only reason I had stuck around in the past few years. If I no longer cared about my father's opinion, then why did I stay? Why did I audition for that trumpet solo, and why didn't I leave? Sure, it was my age-out year, but the only reason I began marching was because I was a Foley and because it was what my father wanted. My rookie year had been a horrible experience and the only reason I came back after that was because of family obligation. But had I actually come to care for what happened to the corps? Had this become more than a family obligation? I didn't know the answer, but I had to decide.

I went back to my room for the remainder of the evening. Rehearsal would be going until 10 pm, so I stayed in my room until then. I paced the room, trying to make a decision about what I was going to do, but I couldn't do it. If I stayed it meant that I didn't care about my father, but it meant that I truly cared about the corps that my father and grandfather had helped to establish. If I left it meant that I didn't care about the organization, but it meant that I still cared about what my father thought. I didn't know what to do at all.

When Dave came back from rehearsal I laid on my bed and pretended to be asleep. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him about anything. It was my decision and if I talked to Dave it would just make things worse and I wouldn't be able to make a decision. After Dave had fallen asleep and I figured that everyone else on our floor was asleep I snuck out of our room and out into the hallway. I needed to make a decision and I wouldn't be able to sleep until it was made. After pacing again for twenty minutes I sat down against the wall and leaned my head against my knees. I couldn't do it. I had no idea of what to do and I had less than eight hours before the next rehearsal block began. I just couldn't do it.

"Joshua?" I turned to find Nell standing by the stairs. She walked over to where I was sitting. "Couldn't sleep?" she asked. I nodded. "Me neither. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No," I answered. "It's nothing important. I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh. Okay," she said, reaching into her pocket. "Elisabeth was supposed to give this to you, but she fell asleep before she managed to get up here." She handed me a photograph, one that I very clearly recognized. "I should probably head back to bed. See you in the morning."

"Thanks, you too," I said as Nell headed back towards the staircase. I took one more look at the photo before I headed back into my room. I had my decision.


	9. Trouble in Paradise

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Nine: Trouble in Paradise_

If there was one thing I hated about drum corps, it was how freaking early you had to get up in the morning. I am not a morning person- ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that. I hate waking up early. If I have to wake up before nine am, I am not a happy person. Which is probably bad since I'm going into education, but whatever.

Anyway, I had to wake up early and I was not happy about it. After years of rooming with me Nell knew enough to stay away from me in the morning. After getting ready for the day, I grudgingly made it over to the dining hall to get breakfast before rehearsal. Nell and I got our food and sat down with Joshua and a far too energetic Dave. "Good morning ladies!" he said when we sat down.

"What do you want Dave?" I asked, stabbing my fork into my eggs.

"Nothing," he said, obviously taken aback by my behavior.

Nell laughed. "Don't worry about it, Dave," she said. "Elisabeth isn't mad at you; she's just not a morning person. Wait until after about ten o'clock and she'll be back to normal."

"So she's not going to try and kill me?" Dave asked.

"As long as you stay away from her, you should be fine." Nell turned to Joshua. "Where were you at rehearsal last night?" she asked.

Joshua looked up from his food. "I had some things I needed to take care of that I couldn't put off," he said. "Ready for rehearsal today?"

"You're being awfully nonchalant about it," I said, glaring at him. "You just disappear during rehearsal and you expect us to believe that everything's fine?"

"I don't expect you to believe anything," he answered. He was acting far too calm about it. "I'm here for rehearsal now, so I don't see what the big deal is. Carroway knows the entire situation. I would think that you would be far more concerned if I wasn't here and no one knew where I was, Collins."

Collins? We hadn't been on a last name basis before, so that surprised me. It made sense though, I guess. The two of us hadn't been with the full corps a lot, so I assumed it was because we would be spending time conducting with the full ensemble. Going on a last name basis became the norm in situations like that. I had done that sort of thing with Nell when we were in full ensemble rehearsal, everybody did. "Carroway didn't seem too happy last night about the fact that you weren't there," I noted, still slightly angry about the fact that he skipped rehearsal. "Seemed pretty pissed off, in fact."

"I have spoken with him about the situation and everything is sorted out," Joshua answered. "I still don't see why you're making such a big deal about it, Collins. I also don't see why any of it is your business to begin with. It doesn't affect you, you why do you care?"

"The hell it doesn't!" I exclaimed, standing up quickly. "If you're skipping rehearsal and not doing your part as a member of this corps it affects everyone. It's my business because I have to pick up the slack for you. Maybe if you got your head out of your ass, Foley, you'd see that your decisions don't just affect you anymore." I turned and stormed off. I couldn't deal with his smug attitude, not that early in the morning. The fact that I didn't finish my breakfast didn't matter; I couldn't look at that jerk's smug face for one more minute.

I made my way back to my room to get myself ready for rehearsal. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to work with Joshua that day. The way he was acting was just pissing me off. He was acting completely different from the day before, as well as completely different from what I had ever seen him act like. It was like… like he was trying to be someone that he wasn't. I didn't like it. I didn't know what had happened to change him the way that it did, but I didn't like it.

"Hey Elisabeth, you okay?" It was Dave. "Sorry about that," he said, like it was his fault or something. "Joshua can be like that sometimes."

"I just don't see why the hell he's doing it," I said, throwing the stuff I needed for rehearsal into my backpack. "He was acting all strange yesterday, then he disappears, and now he's acting completely different. It just doesn't make any sense."

"I dunno," Dave said, leaning against the doorframe. "He was asleep when I got back last night, but Nell said she found him sitting in the hallway at 2:30 this morning."

"Why was Nell up that late?" I asked. "I don't remember her being awake."

"No idea. She said something about Erik giving you something yesterday, though."

I nodded. At rehearsal the previous night Erik, the guy who had drum majored with Joshua the previous year and who was now on brass staff with the corps, had come up to me and given me a photograph. I didn't know what it was about, but Erik told me to give it to Joshua the next time I saw him. I had completely forgotten about it and went to sleep straight when I got back, so Nell must have gone and given it to him. "Yeah, there was a photograph that he wanted me to give to Joshua the next time I saw him. I completely forgot about it though," I said. "She must have not been able to sleep and gave it to him when she was wandering the halls. She does that sometimes."

He shrugged. "I guess we both ending up rooming with insomniacs, then," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Joshua's always been like that, ever since I've known him," he answered. "I've never really asked him about it, but I'm pretty sure he's been diagnosed with insomnia." He paused to look at his watch. "I should probably go get ready. The pit's starting a bit early today and I don't want to be late."

Dave headed off and started thinking about what he said. In Nell's case, she had trouble sleeping when she had something that was bothering her. Even though I didn't know for sure, I guessed that it was the same with Joshua. Considering what I had heard of the conversation with his mother the previous afternoon, I figured that was the case. But what was causing him to lose sleep? It must have been whatever was in that envelope. I had no clue what it actually was, but I knew that it had to be important.

I spent the morning with the battery. Like most mornings, we spent the first chunk of rehearsal in sectionals. Carroway sent me to work with the battery on some sections at the beginning of rehearsal and I ended up staying there for the morning. I didn't want to deal with Joshua due to his snide remarks at breakfast, so I didn't make any effort to go back to the horns. As far as I could tell the battery staff was fine with it. As far as I could tell they didn't really care if I chose to stay with them. I sat and ran the metronome for most of rehearsal, but I did get some conducting in for a bit.

I ate my lunch as fast as I could in order to avoid dealing with Joshua. It was pretty easy, considering that the battery got done early, so I was one of the first to get to lunch. Afterwards I headed up to my room. I had an idea, one that I was pretty sure would piss off Joshua Foley.

* * *

"What in the world are you doing?" It was Nell.

"What does it look like?" I asked, leaning over one of the sinks in the bathroom.

"Why the hell are you dyeing your hair in the bathroom during lunch break?" she asked. "Especially since that isn't going to come out of your hair by the time we have our first show."

"I'm not dyeing all of it," I said, reaching for the bottle of hair dye. "Just the ends of it. And it's temporary dye, not that I really trust what the bottle says. I'm only dyeing the ends of my hair incase the dye doesn't wash out by our first show, which is very likely. If it doesn't come out I can just grab a pair of scissors and chop off the ends. Simple as that."

"That didn't answer the question, Elisabeth."

I sighed and looked over at her. "Joshua is being an asshole."

"And that applies to this how exactly?" Nell asked.

"He's pissing me off, so I'm dyeing my hair to piss him off," I said, as I started to put the dye on. "Two can play at that game. If he wants to treat me like a six year old, then I'll act like one."

"What are you talking about?"

I rolled my eyes. "You saw him at breakfast, Nell. He skipped rehearsal and then he acted like it was no big deal that he wasn't there. I had to cover for him at rehearsal, which ended up being pretty difficult when the battery needed someone to be with them for sectionals last night. I can't be in two places at once! If he's going to skip like that, then he better have a damn good reason for it and he better not act like it's not a big deal, because it is."

"You didn't see him last night, Elisabeth," she said, leaning against the wall.

"Does it matter? He skipped out and now he's acting like it was nothing."

"Yes, I'll admit that it's a bit odd, but last night he looked awful. Like something was tearing him apart."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Haven't the foggiest," she shrugged. "But he looked horrible. After seeing him like that, I'm not surprised that he wasn't at rehearsal."

I stood up and scowled. I still didn't like the thought of it. "That aside, it doesn't give him the reason to act like an ass today."

"Doesn't give you one either," Nell pointed out.

"I've totally got a reason," I said. "He's provoking me. Besides, it's been positively ages since I've dyed my hair. I've kept it a normal color for the past two seasons. Nickels will understand."

"I have a feeling Carroway won't, though."

"Eh, he can deal with it. I promise it'll be gone by the first show, even if that means I have to chop off a few inches."

Nell sighed. "So what color are you trying to get anyways?" she asked. "I'm guessing you had to bleach it to get anything to show up with your hair."

"Turquoise," I answered. "I was thinking lavender at first, but that isn't really bright enough to be really noticeable."

"How did you get up here so fast?"

"Drums got off early," I answered. "I ate quickly and came up here. I've got plenty of time to let it set since we've got extra time today for lunch."

"Yeah, why did we get extra time today?" Nell asked.

"Nickels, Carroway, and the rest of the staff had a meeting with some people from the University. Don't know what it's about, but they're giving us extra time off because of it, so I'm not complaining." We stood there for a while, me dyeing my hair and Nell watching. For us it wasn't that unusual, considering the fact that I used to dye my hair every other week in high school. She had spent many hours with me in the bathroom during band camp in high school, helping me dye my hair one unusual color or the next. I dyed my hair twice during my first year with Northwind, once to a nice magenta color then once back to black since I was informed by Nickels that I had to have a natural hair color if I wanted to continue marching with the corps. After that my hair stayed pretty consistently black, partially due to corps but also due to the fact that I was volunteering in schools as a part of my degree in education and I wasn't supposed to encourage the students to do anything crazy. I'd do some stuff occasionally, like adding "highlights" or dyeing the ends of my hair, but I had definitely toned it down from what I had been doing in high school.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I looked up to see Joshua standing in the doorway. "You really shouldn't be going into the girl's bathroom, Foley," I said, purposefully not answering the question.

"What the hell are you doing, Collins?" he repeated.

"What does it look like, Foley? I asked. "My dyeing my hair, you have a problem with that?"

"You can't do that," he said.

"Why not?"

"It's a part of the contracts. All members need to be presentable for performances, including hair style and color," he recited.

"Oh, it'll be presentable by the first performance," I said. "It's only temporary hair dye."

"And if it doesn't come out by then?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Foley. I'm only dyeing the ends of it. I know better than to dye all of my hair with less than a month before our first performance." I could tell that he was irritated by me and what I was doing. "If it doesn't come out in time there's this wonderful invention called a pair of scissors that I can use to chop off the part that isn't a normal color. I've got enough experience with this kind of stuff to know what I'm doing."

"Do I want to know how you got that experience?" Joshua asked.

"Probably not," Nell answered. "It was during our rookie year and involved a good amount of pink hair dye."

"It was _magenta_, not pink," I corrected.

"There's a difference?" Nell asked, looking slightly surprised while also looking like she didn't care.

"Yes," I answered. "They're both a part of the same color family, but they are different colors. They're both diluted forms of red, just diluted in different quantities."

"Still don't quite get it."

"It's like saying that me and my sisters are all the same person," I said, hoping that my analogy would make sense. "We all have the same parents and look very much alike, but we're all slightly different from each other."

"Like the fact that they don't dye their hair crazy colors?"

"Precisely." I turned back to Joshua. "Long story short, I dyed my hair magenta during spring training rookie year. Nickels didn't like it, so I had to go through the fun process of getting it back to a normal color. I learned my lesson the first time, Foley; I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"Then why do you do it in the first place?"

"Do what?"

"That," he said. "Dye your hair strange colors; act out, that sort of stuff."

I thought about it for a moment. "I guess I just want to see how people will react," I said. "It's funny to see how people react when they see someone with strange hair or something unusual like that. I just enjoy sticking people in situations like that, I guess."

He looked at me for a moment. "Carroway and Nickels want to speak with us," he said. "I'm supposed to fetch you."

"Weren't they in a meeting?" I asked.

"They were, but it took less time than it expected," he answered. "We're supposed to go down there right away."

"Yeah, just give me a minute," I said, intending to see how long I could stall before he got angry with me.

"Elisabeth, we need to get going," he said, sounding like he was getting a bit aggravated with me.

"I said I'll be there in a minute. You can head down there; I'll be right behind you."

"Nickels told me to stay with you until you followed me down, so that you didn't get distracted," he said, not budging.

"He's got you there, Elisabeth," Nell said. "You do have a tendency to do that."

I sighed and handed the towel and hair dye I was using to Nell. "Put that in the room, will you?" I said to her before turning to follow Joshua.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," I said and followed him out the door.


	10. Confrontation

_Sorry for such the long wait. This summer was horribly busy- with working, my brother's wedding, and "Valhalla," I barely had time to think, let alone write. Thanks for your patience. Enjoy!_

* * *

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Ten: Confrontation_

I probably shouldn't have acted like such an ass when I was talking to Elisabeth that morning. Yes, I'll admit it, I was an ass. I was unprofessional and I shouldn't have acted like I did. I understood why she was so angry with me; I skipped out on rehearsal and she had to pick up the slack. Both the horn line and the drum line would have probably wanted a conductor for sectionals that evening, and it was impossible for Elisabeth to be in two places at once. I probably would have felt the same way had our roles been reversed, but I was in no condition to be at rehearsal the evening before. I wouldn't have been able to properly focus on what I was doing, not without sorting out everything that was going on in my life. I had hoped that no one would have made a big deal out of it when I went to breakfast that morning, but to be completely honest I was probably disillusioning myself in thinking that. Of course someone would have mentioned it. When you spent as much time with other people as we do in drum corps, you know everything about everyone.

In a way, that was how I was able to make my decision. Undoubtedly, word that I was missing from rehearsal reached everyone in the corps by the time rehearsal ended. It was how Erik would have gotten that photograph to Elisabeth. I knew exactly what to do the moment I saw that photograph. I'm sure Erik knew that I would, which is why he gave it to me. I knew what I needed to do all along; I just needed a reminder as to why I was there.

As we were walking to meet with Carroway and Nickels I could tell that Elisabeth was still angry with me. I knew that the reason she decided to dye her hair was to make me angry. As much as I hated it, I knew that I couldn't let her think that it bothered me. I needed to be the bigger person in this situation. I knew that I was the reason why she was acting the way that she was, but I couldn't let it affect me. I knew that I was acting completely different than I had been around her for the past several months. It was always like that, really. I should have known that she would react the way that she did, but I thought that maybe it would be different. She always reacted different from most people that I knew, but I suppose I was expecting too much.

"What the hell did you do to your hair?" Nickels asked Elisabeth when we arrived.

"What does it look like?" Elisabeth shrugged. "You know me well enough to know what happened.

"It better be gone by June 21st," Nickels warned.

"I know that. I'm not that much of an idiot, you know."

Carroway cleared his throat. "Let's get on to the reason why we're here, shall we?" I turned to him and he signaled for Elisabeth and I to sit down. "As I'm sure you've both guessed, the corps has decided to refrain from telling the drum corps community about the merger until after our first show on June 21st. Should anyone from the drum corps community show up before then we are saying that the two corps are sharing rehearsal space for spring training, understood?" Elisabeth and I nodded. "That being said, we have brought in someone to work with the two of you on your conducting during the afternoon block today. Both Ms. Nickels and I feel that it's important for the two of you to be able to work with an expert on your conducting since you haven't been working together for very long. Once lunch break is over, the two of you will be meeting with Alexander in music hall."

I felt my stomach drop. _Alexander._ Of all people why did it have to be him? I knew why he was there- he was trying to insert his opinion into what the corps did. He felt it was his right to have a say in how the corps was run, as a former member, drum major, and board member. Not just that- he felt it was his right because of his damn family name. His father was one of the founders of the corps so it was his _right_ to have a say in what was happening with it now. Just thinking about it made me sick.

I stayed in my seat when Carroway dismissed us. Elisabeth and Nickels left, bickering about Elisabeth's new hair color. "Do you need something, Joshua?" Carroway asked.

"Why the hell did you bring him in?" I asked.

"I didn't bring him in, Joshua," Carroway said.

"Then why the hell is he here?"

"He showed up. Even if you haven't spoken to him in months, he knew that we were here. He showed up and insisted on working with one of the sections in the corps."

"Why didn't you tell him to leave? Just because he shows up and says he wants to work with someone doesn't mean that you have to let him."

"Do you know the shit I'd deal with if I didn't let him work with someone?" Carroway asked. "As much as I hate it, he's still got influence in board of directors and the corps, and if I told him to leave I wouldn't hear the end of it. I'm letting him work with you and Elisabeth so he'll leave."

"And you expect him to not put it together that the Crusaders aren't an all-male corps anymore? If you stick him in a room with Elisabeth he'll figure it out."

"That's the entire reason why I'm having him work with the two of you. It's easier to tell him that Elisabeth is from Northwind than it is to try to come up with an excuse for the fact that half of the members in the hornline are female. I know that you don't want to deal with him and neither do I, but this is the best option that we have." He sighed. "All you have to do is put up with him for an hour, and then he'll be gone." That was it. I didn't have any choice in the matter. I understood why Carroway was doing it this way- if he did it any other way my father would know of the merger and try to prevent the corps from competing. I had to do what I was told so that the corps could continue to compete.

I went to the music hall at the end of lunch break to find my father already there. He was speaking with Dr. Hammond in the atrium, loud enough for me to overhear everything they were saying. "Whatever your concerns are, Alexander, I'm not the person you should be talking to," Dr. Hammond was saying. "If you want an answer to your questions you should be talking to your son, not to me."

"He doesn't realize what he's doing," Father answered. "He's a child and he doesn't understand."

"Joshua is twenty-one, Alexander. By every legal standing he is an adult and he is perfectly capable of making his own decisions. You may see him as a child, but he is more responsible for his own actions than you think he is."

"He's making the wrong decision. He shouldn't be allowed to-"

"You can't make his decisions for him anymore. Joshua is capable of deciding what he wants to do with his life. Forcing him to do what you want will only push him further away."

"And you think you know what's best for him?" Father asked. "He doesn't have the ability to make it as a performance major."

"He has made more progress in the past three years than I have seen any student make before. He has the ability and the determination, you're just afraid of what will happen if he actually succeeds."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Stephen. He's not your son."

"He's becoming dangerously close to not being yours either, Alexander."

I wanted to hear more of their conversation, but I knew that Elisabeth would be arriving soon and I didn't want her to hear what they were saying. If she heard it she would begin asking more questions, and I didn't want to talk about it to her. I made my way from over by the doors to the middle of the atrium, knowing that they would see me and end their conversation. They stopped talking immediately. "Joshua," Dr. Hammond called to me. I walked over to where the two of them were standing. "How are you doing today?" Dr. Hammond asked.

"I'm doing well, sir," I answered. "We had sectionals this morning and the corps was going to do some drill learning this afternoon."

"Yes, Michael had mentioned that when he called to ask for rehearsal space for this afternoon," Dr. Hammond said. "I was told that you'll be working with Alexander this afternoon."

"Yes, Mr. Carroway wanted me to work on my conducting," I answered.

Dr. Hammond had to go teach a lesson, leaving me with my father. We stood in silence for a while, waiting for Elisabeth to arrive. "Sorry I'm late," she said once she arrived. "I lost track of time."

"You're the girl from Northwind?" Father asked.

"Yeah, I'm Elisabeth Collins."

Father didn't say anything; he just started walking down the hallway towards the classrooms. Elisabeth looked like she wanted to say something, but I didn't give her the chance to ask any questions. He led us to one of the smaller class rooms. "Will either of you be conducting using a baton?" Father asked, skipping any sort of introduction.

"Possibly," I answered. "Carroway has mentioned it." Elisabeth shot me a look. Apparently Carroway hadn't mentioned to her that he wanted us to conduct using batons this year.

"And you?" Father asked Elisabeth, sounding harsh.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "We didn't last year and Nickels hasn't said anything about it."

Father began without acknowledging that Elisabeth had said anything. He dove straight into things, correcting every possible aspect of our conducting from our posture to our hand position to the way that we did preparatory beats. Often he would cut us off before we could even start, having found something wrong with the technique. His critique was always harsh, even at times saying that neither of us should be conducting to begin with since our technique was so sloppy. I was used to his mannerisms, the way he talked and acted, since I had been through many years of lessons with him. It was part of the reason I was so happy go start studying trumpet at college- studying with Dr. Hammond meant that I would finally be able to see what a lesson teacher should act like with their students.

We had barely gotten into any kind of actual conducting when our time ran out. "You're dismissed," Father said before heading out the door, most likely to go tell Carroway what he was doing wrong. I was about to head back to rehearsal when Elisabeth grabbed my arm. "Is something wrong?" I asked. She looked like she wasn't feeling well.

"Why didn't you ever say something?" she asked, not looking at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why didn't you ever say that _that_ was what you were dealing with?" she said, staring at me in disbelief. "How can you have possibly put up with that? And why do you? Why do you put yourself through that kind of hell?"

"Because he's the only father that I have, Elisabeth," I said, pulling my arm out of her grasp. "When that's all you know, you don't know any better."

"But why? Why do you put yourself through it?"

"Because him and the Foley family are the only thing I have left here," I answered, turning to go, but I wasn't able to. Elisabeth grabbed onto me again.

"No, they're not. You have people like Dr. Hammond and Mr. Carroway and you've got Dave and Nell and me. You don't have to do it anymore."

"Why do you think I left, Collins?" I asked her. "I left because I couldn't deal with it anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that he's my father. Nothing can change that." I left before she could say anything else. The two of us needed to be at rehearsal with the rest of the corps more than we needed to be dragging up aspects of my life. I understood that she cared, but it was something that I didn't need to be dealing with at that moment in time. I left the music building and made my way to where the rest of the corps was rehearsing without checking if Elisabeth was following me. "Done with Alexander?" Carroway asked when I found him.

"Yes," I answered.

"Where's Elisabeth?"

"She's coming," I lied. "She said there was something she needed to get from her room."

Carroway looked suspicious, but he didn't say anything. "The two of you will be with the hornline until dinner," he said. "We'll be working on the opener, so go get your trumpet."

I went back to the dorms to grab my trumpet and when I arrived back at the field, Elisabeth was there. She didn't look at me when I walked past; instead she stayed focused on whatever it was that she was doing. We spent the afternoon running over sections in the opener, mostly the intro and the section right after the solo. As tedious as it was, it was extremely helpful to be able to run over that section again, since we hadn't really touched it since we learned it at the previous camp.

When we were dismissed for dinner I made my way to the music building and found myself a practice room. I wasn't hungry and I didn't particularly feel like dealing with either Dave or Elisabeth, so I decided that working on the solo was the best thing to do. I found an empty practice room easily and began working through the parts that needed more expression.

I was running over the middle section when someone knocked on the practice room door. "Joshua, can I come in?" Dave asked. I ignored him and continued to practice. "Joshua, I know you're in there. Ignoring me isn't going to make me leave, you know." When I continued to ignore him, he opened the door and walked in. "We just spent how many hours at rehearsal and you decide to go practice some more? I swear there's something seriously wrong with you," he sighed. "You really should eat something."

"I'm not hungry," I answered.

"I even brought you food," Dave said, gesturing to the plate he was holding. "And look, it's the stuff that you'll actually eat."

"I said I'm not hungry, Dave."

"It's not just that though. You're trying to avoid Elisabeth. I saw you guys during rehearsal this afternoon. Something's up between you two."

I put down my trumpet and grabbed the plate from him. "It's nothing you should be worrying yourself about," I told him.

"And why not? You're the closest friend that I've got and I know something us up with you," he said, sitting across from me. "You haven't been eating much or getting much sleep, so I know it's something important. I usually don't say stuff about it because I don't want to intrude, but this is unhealthy, Joshua."

"It's none of your damn business."

"The hell it isn't! I'm your friend and I care about you, Joshua. You have to tell people what's wrong with you rather than keeping it bottled up."

"What the hell do you think it is, Eriksson? It's the same damn thing that it always is and always will be. I can deal with it perfectly fine on my own; it's you and Elisabeth that keep sticking your noses in where they don't belong."

"Because we care about you, you idiot!" I looked to the door to find Elisabeth standing there, her face looking red and puffy. "We wouldn't be trying to help if we didn't care as much as we did."

"As touching as that is, it's not something that you should have to deal with," I said, putting down my half-eaten plate of food and putting away my trumpet. "It's something that concerns my father and me. I don't care how much you care about me; it's none of your damn business."

"When you're acting like this it becomes our concern, Foley," Elisabeth said. "When it affects everyone it's not just about you anymore. You need to tell us so we can help you as best as we can."

"We know this is because of your dad, Joshua," Dave said. "We know it has to do with him, but we need you to tell us what's going on so we can help."

"The reason I don't tell you is because neither of you would understand," I said bitterly. "Unlike my father, your parents actually care about your wellbeing. All my father cares about is that I exist."

Neither of them said anything. "The only reason that he married my mother and had me was because of his duty to his family. My father never wanted to be married or to have children- he's told me so himself." I looked at the two of them, who were staring at me in disbelief. Of course they couldn't comprehend it. At first I didn't either, but after I thought about it, it made sense. All of the things he said to me when I mentioned that I wanted to be a performance major, all of those times during my lessons, everything from when I was younger- it all made sense. I understood why my mother almost left him when I was five and why she eventually ended up getting a divorce. I wasn't his son; I was his duty to his family. "Unless either of you can tell me that you are just an obligation, then you can't possibly understand what it's like to be his son."

I stood, grabbed my trumpet, and started walking towards the door. As I was walking past her, Elisabeth grabbed my arm. "I don't care about that, Joshua," she said. "I just want to help."

"You can't possibly understand," I told her.

"Then help me to understand. You can't do this on your own."

I pulled my arm out of her grasp. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, Collins." I turned and left. As much as they wanted to help, they couldn't. They couldn't possibly understand, no one could- except for him.


	11. Games

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Eleven: Games_

I couldn't talk to Joshua for days after he said that. How could I? I didn't know how to react to everything that I had heard. It seemed so surreal. How could someone think that about their own child? From what I knew about Alexander I could believe what Joshua was saying. I knew that he was a horrible person, but I couldn't even think how he could say something like that. It just didn't make sense to me.

I continued working with him on our conducting and during ensemble, but I couldn't bring myself to mention it to him. For once I didn't want to confront him about it. I let him deal with it on his own and he seemed to return to normal. Dave said that he was sleeping more and I saw him eating at meal breaks. He had gone back to calling me Collins, something I wasn't too happy about, and I referred to him as Foley. For everyone else it must have seemed like nothing had ever happened, which in its own way was good. I didn't think Joshua would have liked the whole corps knowing everything that had happened, so I didn't mention it to anyone who didn't already know.

Rehearsal progressed as it should have- the corps was learning drill and coordinating it with the music that we had been practicing for the past several months. We were all tired and sore but that was what we had gotten ourselves into, at least that's what I told myself every morning when I wished I was sleeping in my own bed. "Elisabeth, get off of my bed." I looked up to see Nell standing over me.

"But I don't wanna," I whined, knowing I sounded like a six year old but not caring about it. I was tired and I didn't care if it made me sound like a whiny child.

"We've been over this, Elisabeth. Get off my bed now." She looked positively pissed off, but I really didn't care.

"But I'm tired."

She sighed, sounding aggravated. "I have to go a euphonium thing, but if you're not off my bed by the time I get back I will drag you off myself."

I shot up. "You're leaving?" She nodded. "But you can't leave me!"

"I'm sure you can find a way to occupy yourself. You're a big girl, Elisabeth."

"But I don't wanna be a big girl," I said, grabbing onto her arm as she turned to leave. "Entertain me!"

"Elisabeth, you're twenty-one years old. You are perfectly capable of entertaining yourself."

"But you're better at it than I am."

She sighed. "I can't believe that they chose someone like you as our drum major." She pulled her arm out of my grasp and walked out of the room. "I'll see you later, Elisabeth."

"You're not supposed to leave me by myself!" I called after her. I didn't hear a response, so I sat back down on her bed and started pouting. I was bored. We had been given some time off that evening to rest since we had made good progress over the past few days. Nell had some section thing to go off to and I didn't. My section consisted of Joshua and it wasn't like we were going to do anything together.

I sat for a moment, trying to figure out what to do with myself. Having an idea, I left our room and climbed the stairs to Dave's room. I knocked on the door. "Anyone home?"

Dave opened the door, looking excited. "Elisabeth! It's wonderful to see you!" he said. "Joshua, Elisabeth's here!" I winced slightly when hearing that. I was hoping I wouldn't run into Joshua until the next day at rehearsal. Dave signaled for me to follow him into the room.

"I could have guessed that from hearing you, Dave," Joshua said, sounding annoyed. He was lying on the bottom bunk, looking over our scores. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she's here when you greet her at the door."

"Don't be such a spoil spot, Joshua. Lighten up."

"I'd rather not."

"Maybe that's the reason why you always look so unhappy," I said, mentally kicking myself after the words came out of my mouth.

"Really. I'd like to hear what exactly makes you think that," he said, looking severely pissed off.

"I think its self explanatory. The reason that you always look so glum is because you don't allow yourself to be happy. You'd be happier with yourself and your life if you just took things less seriously."

"I doubt taking advice from you would ever be a good idea, Collins."

"I'm sure I enjoy my life more than you do, Foley."

The two of us ended up in a staring contest for some time. I could tell that Dave was uncomfortable by the whole situation. "So Elisabeth, what brings you to our humble abode?" Dave asked, breaking the silence.

I sat down on one of the desk chairs in the room. "I'm bored," I said, sounding slightly like I was whining. Not that I really cared.

"You're… bored?" Dave asked.

"Nell had to run off to some section thing and I'm bored. I need someone to entertain me!"

Dave had a confused look on his face, apparently not knowing how to react. Joshua sighed and sat up. "You're on your own, Dave. I don't have time for this," he said, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Dave asked, sounding slightly panicked.

"I'm going to practice."

"Come on, Joshua. You can take one night off, you know."

"Yeah Joshua, just relax. You know, I can understand why you don't have a girlfriend."

Joshua paused with his hand on the door handle. "You really think you know everything don't you, Collins."

"I never pretend to know everything, Foley. I'd like to think that I know myself, though. Can you say the same thing?" Joshua didn't say anything, but I knew the answer. He didn't and he knew it.

"Let's play a game!"

I turned to see Dave with a forced grin on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Let's play a game. I think that would be the perfect way to spend our free evening," he said, grin still plastered on his face. "It's the perfect way to relax and unwind. Right, Joshua?"

I had a feeling that Joshua was rolling his eyes. "I'd rather not. I'm going to practice. Have fun."

"You're going to join us!" I said, grabbing his shoulder and dragging him back into the room. "It'll be fun! We can use this opportunity to get to know each other better!"

Joshua tried to protest, but Dave grabbed his other arm and helped me pull him into the middle of the room and sit him down on the floor. "We haven't done this in ages, Joshua. It'll be wonderful!"

"I have more important-"

"Nope! You're not getting out of this one. Whatever you need to do can wait until tomorrow."

Joshua sighed, no doubt realizing that there was nothing he could do. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

Dave went over to his backpack and dug around for a while. "I've got a deck of cards," he said, pulling them out. "I'm sure we could figure out something to go with them."

"And what exactly do you propose we play, Dave?"

"Don't rush me, I'm still thinking!"

I looked between the two of them and the deck of cards. "I've got an idea," I said, grinning.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Joshua asked no one in particular.

"Go fish!"

"Go fish?" Dave asked, staring at me like I had grown an extra head.

"Yeah, go fish! It was my absolute favorite game growing up as a kid. It'll be tons of fun!" The room was dead quiet, both looking at me with expressions of disbelief. I didn't know what to say next. If they didn't like the idea, was I supposed to suggest something else? We sat in an awkward silence for a while, me being unsure of what to say and the two of them sitting with weird expressions on their faces. After a while Dave started to laugh hysterically. "What's so funny?"

"I don't know, it's just really funny!" Dave said, cracking up. "From the way you were leading up to that, I thought you were going to make us play something horrible, like strip poker or something."

"What? What do you think I am, a pervert?" I could feel my face turning bright red. "I like you guys and all, but not in that way! That's just weird!" Looking at how the two of them were taking things, I couldn't help but laugh. Dave was doubled over, lying on the ground and looking like he was laughing so hard that he started crying. Joshua tried to keep it in but he eventually gave in, looking happier than I had seen him in a long time. "That's it!" I exclaimed, pointing at him.

He turned to me. "What are you talking about?" he asked, looking confused. Dave was still lying on the floor, unable to get a hold of himself.

"That is the happiest I've seen you look in a long time. It's a shame; you look a lot cuter when you've got a smile on your face." I realized how the words sounded after they came out of my mouth. I turned quickly and grabbed the cards, hoping that had the two of them hadn't realized just how red I was turning. "Let's start, okay?"

I dealt out the cards and Joshua and I starting playing. Dave continued to laugh hysterically on the floor and after a while Joshua started throwing cards at his head. I laughed, feeling that things were finally back to normal.

Crisis averted.

* * *

"Elisabeth, what are you doing?"

It was Nell. We were on lunch break and I was lying across some chairs with my score on my face. "I'm studying my score. We've only got a few weeks before the first show, so I figure I should know this thing inside and out," I answered.

"Shouldn't you already know it inside and out?" I grunted and I could tell she was rolling her eyes. "And you're learning it how? Through osmosis?" I grunted again, picking up the papers to flip the page. She sighed. "Joshua is looking for you. He said there's something he needs to talk to you about."

"Can't he wait until rehearsal starts again? I don't want to do anything right now."

Nell sighed again. I could tell she was getting annoyed- if she sighed multiple times, it meant that she wasn't happy. "Just go find him."

I removed my score from my face and sat up to look at her. "If he really needs to talk to me that much, he can come and find me. Besides, it'll be easier for him to find me if I stay in one place rather than wandering around aimlessly trying to find him."

"You have to be the laziest person I know."

I stood up and started stretching out my arms. I was starting to feel soreness in my shoulders from all the conducting that I was doing. "Can you really blame me? We're in our fourth week of spring training and my rehearsal related duties are piling up. I barely got any sleep last night because I was afraid that I'd oversleep like I did yesterday and I'd get my ass handed to me by Nickels again. I've got enough on my plate without having to hunt down my uptight co-drum major for whatever whim he happens to have at the moment. If he needs to discuss something with me, I'm pretty sure it can wait until I see him in twenty minutes when we get off of break." I paused, and Nell looked like she didn't believe me. "For the sanctity of break time?" I asked, hoping she would remember our inside joke from our rookie year.

"For the sanctity of break time," she said, grinning. She sat down in one of the chairs I had been using and I was about to sit down next to her when Joshua walked up. "I've been looking for you," he said. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed or just tired.

"Can it wait until rehearsal starts again?" I asked. "We're protecting the sanctity of break time."

He sighed, completely unphased by my behavior. "We're supposed to go to the music building after break. We'll be working with Alexander again," he said flatly. Before I had the opportunity to say anything, Joshua had turned and walked away.

"Shit," I said, sincerely wishing that there was some way that I could get out of spending several hours with the father from hell.

"Who's Alexander?" Nell asked, looking confused about everything.

"Joshua's dad," I answered. "This is the last thing that I wanted to deal with today."

"If you don't want to deal with him, then don't go. If you don't go, is there really anything that Nickels can do about it? She seems to hate him as much as you do."

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple. I doubt Nickels would do anything, but I'm more worried about what'll happen if I leave Joshua alone with him."

"Aw, that's cute. You're worried about Joshua," she said with an evil grin on her face. My face started to turn red, and naturally Nell noticed it. "You're blushing. That's so adorable."

"Shut up." I stood up quickly and grabbed my scores. "I should start heading over there. I'll see you later."

"You're just so cute when you're flustered, Elisabeth."

"Shut up, Nell!"

I arrived at the music building a lot quicker than I had been expecting to. Since Joshua was nowhere to be found and I didn't particularly want to find Alexander, I sat down on one of the couches in the atrium to wait for them. I leaned back and closed my eyes, hoping to get some rest before I had to deal with Alexander. It was fairly comfortable, a little too comfortable, and the next thing I knew someone was shaking my arm. "What?" I asked, still half asleep.

"It's time to go, Collins." I looked up to see Joshua standing next to me. "Alexander is expecting us. He doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Okay," I said, standing up and stretching out my arms. I followed him down the hall and into the classroom we had been in the last time we had met with Alexander. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I didn't want to have to deal with him or anything that would come up with Joshua because of it.

It started exactly like it did the last time we worked with Alexander. We would barely get through a beat pattern before he would cut us off, telling us how horrible we were. It was the exact opposite of what my conducting professors at school had taught me. He wanted us to be like machines, to just give the tempo with a consistent beat pattern. Everything I had been taught about conducting up to that point had been about expression. The beat pattern was important, but conducting was about the expression and passion that was in the music. After being cut off for the twelfth time in two minutes, I snapped. "This is bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Alexander asked.

"You heard me," I said, feeling so outraged that I didn't care about what he thought. "Despite all of the wisdom you seem to think you've bestowed on me, I have learned absolutely nothing that will make me a better conductor. I'd rather fend for myself than spend another minute in this room with you." Without saying anything else, I stormed out of the room. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I didn't care what Nickels, Carroway, or Joshua said about it. It didn't matter. I never wanted to deal with that bastard again.

Despite storming out with a purpose, I had no idea of what to do after I left. I didn't really want to head back to rehearsal without cooling off first and there was no way in hell that I would go back into that room, so I sat down on a stone bench in front of the music building, waiting for an idea of what to do next came to me. It was fairly peaceful, despite being able to hear a metronome clicking in the background.

"I'm guessing you got fed up with Alexander?" I jumped when I heard the voice next to me. I looked over to see the tall, grey haired man that was one of Joshua's professors. I had seen him the day that he gave Joshua that letter, but I couldn't remember his name.

"Yeah," I answered. He sat down on the bench next to me. "I couldn't put up with it anymore. I haven't learned anything from him and it's been a hassle, so I walked out. He's probably mad at me, but I really don't care."

He chuckled. "It's good for him to have someone that finally stands up to him. I don't think Alexander's ever dealt with that before." He turned to me and put his hand out. "I don't believe I've introduced myself. I'm Stephen Hammond. I'm Joshua's lesson teacher."

"Elisabeth Collins," I answered, shaking his hand.

"Yes, I've heard about you," he said, looking like he knew something. "Joshua's talked about you before."

"He has?" I asked. I was surprised that Joshua would mention me to anyone, especially someone who had never met me before.

"Yes, he's mentioned you when talking about the Crusaders. You're drum majoring with him, correct?" I nodded. "From what he's said, I couldn't imagine that you would put up with Alexander's teaching for very long."

"It's completely different from what I'm used to, from conducting and from my flute lessons."

"So you're a flute player?"

"Yeah. I learned how to play mellophone for drum corps, but I'm studying flute at school."

"Are you going for a degree in music?"

"Music Education. I'm thinking beginning band right now. I've got another year, so I guess I've got time to figure it all out."

"Sometimes it's good to keep your options open," he said, giving me a grin. He seemed like such an easy person to talk to. It was hard to believe that Joshua had taken lessons from both Alexander and Dr. Hammond. They seemed like completely opposite people, and I could assume were probably completely opposite teachers. "Since you met Alexander, I'm sure you've been wondering how Joshua has put up with him for this long."

It seemed like he had read my mind. I had been wondering, and doing a good amount of worrying, about Joshua and his father over the past few weeks. "I guess. Alexander just seems like such a harsh teacher. I've never had anyone like that before, so it's hard to see how it could help anyone as a student."

"It is difficult to believe," Dr. Hammond said. "Alexander's methods have always been rather harsh, at least as long as I've known him. I met him through Natalie, his ex-wife. Natalie and I went to high school together, and I met Alexander through her when they were living in Chicago. I was doing my masters at Northwestern at the time. He's never been a very friendly person, but I owe him and Natalie a good deal."

He stopped for a moment, seeming like he was searching for the best way to continue. "I wouldn't say that his teaching techniques would be accepted by educators. I'm sure that any teaching professional walking into one of his lessons would have a lot to say about him. He's unconventional, but he's produced some amazing musicians. That is, of course, if they can make it through lessons with him. He's all about technique. When Joshua auditioned to be a music major here, I was blown away by his performance. When it came to technical precision, the performance was perfect. He was playing incredibly difficult music without mistakes, but his performance lacked the passion and emotion that a lot of the other performers had."

"But he's changed, right?" I asked. "I've heard Joshua play. It doesn't sound like that anymore."

"He's rather good, isn't he?" I nodded. "It's taken time and effort, but Joshua has started to get there. At times his technicality has slipped, but he has made incredible progress over the past three years. I would say that getting away from his father has helped with that." Dr. Hammond stopped as one of the doors from the music building opened. I was relieved when Joshua made his way out and started walking towards us. "Hello Joshua," Dr. Hammond said when Joshua walked up. "I've been having a wonderful chat with Elisabeth here. I suppose the two of you have somewhere you have to be soon?"

"Yes, sir," Joshua answered. "We should be heading back to rehearsal."

"I won't delay you any further, then. It was nice to meet you, Elisabeth."

We said our goodbyes and Joshua and I began walking back to the rehearsal fields. The two of us were quiet for most of the way. I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't be incredibly awkward and Joshua didn't seem to think that anything needed to be said. "Do you know what we'll be rehearsing this afternoon?" I asked once I had gotten up the nerve.

"Carroway mentioned we'll be doing some work on the ballad this afternoon," he answered. "We can stop by the dorms on the way there if you need to grab anything."

"Yeah, that'd be great." I didn't say anything else after that. I didn't know what to think anymore. I never seemed to get answers out of Joshua and when I did, it seemed like it only raised more questions. It was all too much for my brain to handle.


	12. Preparations

_Berceuse_

_Chapter Twelve: Preparations_

All day rehearsals continued as we approached the first show. Elisabeth and I continued to conduct from the podium during ensemble rehearsals and continued to help with sectionals when asked. Father stopped showing up at rehearsals, which I was extremely grateful for. His reaction to Elisabeth walking out was odd. As far as I knew, no one had ever walked out on one of his lessons, so it must have been a shock to him. People quit taking lessons from him all the time, but no one had ever left in the middle of a lesson before. He hadn't returned to rehearsal since then and I hadn't heard a word from him. I assumed that he would be going to our first show, but I didn't know for sure. Our first show was on June 21st, in Madison, Wisconsin. The show was being hosted by the Madison Scouts and we were heading to Madison the day before the show. The plan was to rehearse at the housing site that day, before going to the show that evening. We were performing towards the end of the show and were heading back on the road afterwards to head to the next housing site. We had a show in Illinois the next day and were heading east from there, with shows almost every day until the beginning of July. Mother was planning on flying in for the show and I heard from Dave that his family was planning on going to the show also.

As the corps prepared for the first performance, it seemed that the staff was busy figuring out how to keep the merger a secret until the performance. We were having a closed rehearsal that day, but the main issue was how to keep it a secret when we got to the show. Everyone had been fitted in the Crusaders' uniforms from the previous year for the first show and our new uniforms would be worn starting at a later date. Elisabeth would be revealing the merger when she took off her shako after the salute, so keeping the secret during warm-up that evening had become the focus.

Aside from that, rehearsals continued like normal. The horns and drums had learned our encore tunes, in case we needed to play an encore at any point during tour. All of the original drill had been learned and edits for the horns and color guard were already starting to take place. Elisabeth and I had divided up the show, with her conducting the first half and me conducting the second half. "Stand by," I called out during evening rehearsal one day. We were less than a week from the first show and were focusing on the closer for the day. I was on the main podium and Elisabeth was backfield, running the metronome and conducting when the horns were facing back field. The staff in the box started giving comments and afterwards section techs began running segments. I stood on the podium waiting for the next segment to be called out.

"Joshua, can I use you for a minute?" Erik called out from the field. He seemed to be working with the tubas on something. "Can you run the tuba feature?" I got the tempo from my metronome and started them off. After the segment was done Erik gave his comments to the tubas, then turned to me. "Could you give a stronger three in the sixth measure?" We ran it again and I gave a stronger beat three, making the articulation cleaner. The full corps ran the segment again and I included the addition. The whole horn line came in cleaner, which made the brass staff happier.

After running the segment again, we were given a water break. I climbed down from my podium and grabbed my water bottle. "I really don't know how you do it," Erik said, walking up to me.

"Do what?" I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about. As I had learned the previous year, he had a tendency to be incredibly ambiguous whenever he talked.

"Being master of the podium," he answered. I had forgotten that he also had a tendency to phrase things really strangely. "I'm glad I don't do it anymore. I always felt incredibly inferior when standing next to you."

"Because of the conducting or because of the rehearsal duties?"

"Both. I was fairly shitty about everything last year. I'm amazed I got picked in the first place."

"The rest were worse."

"That makes me feel better," he said sarcastically. Our conversations usually went along those lines. At the beginning of the previous season I had been selected as the only drum major, but as it got closer to spring training the staff realized that we needed two drum majors. Since we had an alternate in the tuba line, Erik had been selected to assist with the conducting. He wasn't horrible at the job, but there were some things that he wasn't the best at. "Isn't your birthday coming up soon?" he asked.

"Yes, it's June 21st," I answered. I was slightly surprised that he had remembered.

"How old are you again?"

"I'll be turning 22."

He looked incredibly pleased with himself, like he had just figured out something important. "That's it!" he exclaimed. "I was wondering about that. I could have sworn that you were turning 21, but then I remembered that you had a drink with me and Carroway after finals last year. You got an extra summer because of your birthday, didn't you?"

"Yes. My birthday is after the June 1st deadline, so I'm able to march after I turn 22."

"I knew it." He seemed rather proud of himself. "Now that I know what day your birthday is, I'm totally going to have to do something embarrassing to you," he said with an evil grin. I sighed. As wonderful as it was that he remembered my birthday, I was really hoping that he had a memory lapse when it actually happened.

* * *

That night I once again found myself unable to fall asleep. As an experienced insomniac I was used to it, but I had no idea as to why I couldn't fall asleep. None of the usual reasons applied, yet I was still wide awake. After an hour of staring at the bottom of Dave's bunk and listening to his constant snoring, I decided to go do some score studying. I knew that there was a lounge on the first floor, so left the room with my score in hand and climbed down the stairs. I would have made it down to the lounge without any problems if I hadn't heard an odd noise when I made it to the second floor. I had no idea what it was, so I looked down the hall. To my surprise I saw Elisabeth sitting against the wall with a piece of paper in her hands. "I would have thought that you would be asleep right now," I said, walking down the hallway towards her.

"I'd say the same about you, but it'd be a lie," she said. She sounded odd, but I couldn't put my finger on it. She had been acting slightly strange during afternoon rehearsal too.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I'm an idiot."

"That's nothing unusual."

"That's absolutely hilarious, Foley. You should become a comedian."

I didn't know how to react. She was acting completely different from how she usually did. I was horrible with those sorts of situations, but I figured that I had to do something. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She didn't say anything for a bit, so I took the opportunity to sit down next to her. "My sister's getting married," she answered.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's not. It's just that…" She stopped, trying to look for words. "It's that I didn't see it coming. I should be incredibly happy for her, but I'm not."

"Is he that bad of a guy?"

"Of course not! Jake's wonderful. My family and I absolutely love him."

"Was it unexpected?"

"No, they've been dating for three years. Melanie's 24, so it's not like she's too young. Lisa got engaged when she was 20, so it's not horribly unusual or anything."

"Then what's the problem?" I asked. I couldn't see what was wrong with all of it.

"It's the fact that I'm so shocked that it happened. I knew that it was coming, yet I didn't see it coming at all." She paused and looked over at me. "That probably makes no sense."

I shrugged. "To be honest, none of this makes sense to me. I don't have to worry about siblings getting married, so I can't really help you."

"That's right, you're an only child."

I nodded. "It's the same with Dave's family. I can never relate to him either."

"I've never really thought about that. Pretty much everyone I know has at least one sibling. Even Nell has a younger brother, even if she never talks about him," she said. It was interesting for her to say that. I had never thought about how much having a sibling meant since I didn't have any. "Are you close to your extended family, then?"

"My father is an only child, so I don't have an extended family on that side aside from my grandparents. My mother has an older brother and he and his wife have two sons. Mark is a year older than I am and we were fairly close growing up. Adam is two years older than Mark, so the two of us usually ended up tagging along with whatever Adam did." Besides Dave, Mark was the closest thing I had ever had to a brother. I didn't have any female cousins, so I never knew what it was like to have sisters. "You have two sisters?" I asked.

"Three, actually," she answered. "Two older and one younger. Lisa and Melanie are both older and Andrea is younger. After having Lisa my parents wanted a son, but kept coming up short. After Andrea they kind of gave up."

"That must have been interesting growing up."

"It would get pretty chaotic, especially when we were in high school. Lots of cat fights. Lisa and Melanie were always at each other's throats," she said, laughing. "I always got along pretty well with all of them since I'm stuck in the middle, but someone was always pissed off at someone else. I was always the odd one, so no one ever had the guts to mess with me."

We sat in silence for a while after that. I probably would have thought that Elisabeth had fallen asleep if it wasn't for the fact the she kept fiddling with her letter. "Did you get to see your cousins very often when you were growing up?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"They lived in Madison, so I usually only saw them at family events. The trip to my grandparent's house in Marshville was far for all of us, so we usually only saw them on holidays." I looked over to see Elisabeth giving me an odd look. "What?"

"Don't you live in Arden Lake? That's not exactly a long trip from Marshville."

"My family didn't live in Arden Lake until I started elementary school," I explained. "Mother got a position playing with the Chicago Symphony shortly after she married my father, and we lived there until I was five. We ended up moving to Arden Lake because my mother wanted to live closer to her parents."

"That must have been stressful moving right before you started school."

I shrugged. "I don't remember much about it. My parents held me back a year in school so that I wouldn't miss anything. I have a summer birthday, so I wasn't much older than the rest of my classmates when I started. Dave ended up being in my kindergarten class, so it wasn't too horrible."

"You and Dave have been friends for a really long time, haven't you?" she said, leaning her head against the wall.

"Yes. I couldn't get rid of him if I tried. And in case you're wondering, he used to be a lot more annoying than he is now."

She started laughing hysterically. "You sound just like Nell!" she managed to say. "We've known each other since elementary school and she always says that about me. I would have thought that it would be the opposite. Everyone else seems to say that I get more annoying the longer you know me."

"I suppose that could be true. Dave probably is more annoying, I've just gotten so used to him that I haven't noticed." She stopped laughing for a moment to yawn. She looked exhausted. "You should probably go to sleep if you're tired," I told her.

"You should be asleep too, but you're still up," she said, yawning again. "You probably need it more than I do anyways." She looked over at my scores. "What's that for?"

"I was heading downstairs to do some score studying when I saw you," I said, picking up my music. "If you're going to bed, I'll probably head down there now."

"I'll come with you!"

"What?"

"It'd be better if we went over it together anyways. Besides, I'm not really that tired," she said, yawning again.

I stood up and looked down at her. "You look like you're going to fall asleep right now," I said. It didn't seem to faze her.

She shrugged it off and stood up. "I'll be fine. I can always nap later if I need to," she said, stretching her arms. "What part were you planning on looking over?"

"I wanted to make sure that I had all of the changes we made in the closer written down. We rarely get new scores unless there are drastic changes, so I like to keep everything updated. It's also helpful for score study on the bus." We walked down the hall and down the stairs to the lounge. Elisabeth sat down on the couch and I pulled up a chair at the table. I opened my score and found the section that I needed to look at. Elisabeth hadn't said anything, so I assumed that she was waiting for me to start. "Do you remember what we had changed the tempo to for the drum feature? All I can remember is 160, but I know that's not right." I waited for her answer, but I didn't get one. I looked up to find Elisabeth lying down on the couch, fast asleep. It made me want to laugh; for all of her insistence that she wasn't tired, she had fallen asleep in less than five minutes.

I turned back to my scores with a smile on my face. At least she tried.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of my watch alarm going off. I turned it off, wondering why I hadn't heard Dave's alarm going off before mine. Sitting up, I saw Elisabeth lying on the couch. It took a moment before I remembered what had happened. I walked over to Elisabeth and shook her arm. "Elisabeth," I said, not getting a response. "Elisabeth, wake up."

"What's going on?" she asked groggily. "Where am I?"

"We're in the lounge. We both ended up falling asleep. There's about an hour before rehearsal starts, so you should go get ready."

She sat up and pulled a hand through her hair. "Sorry about the score studying. I probably wasn't much help."

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to get ready for rehearsal, so I'll see you then." I left and climbed the stairs up to my room. Dave walked in shortly after I did, looking like he had come from the shower. "Where were you?" he asked. "I had to shut off my own alarm since you didn't turn it off for me."

"I was with Elisabeth," I answered, putting my scores back in my backpack and checking to see if I had everything I needed for rehearsal.

"Wait, you spent the night with Elisabeth?" He gave me a look of disbelief. "I didn't realize the two of you were that close."

"Get your head out of the gutter, idiot. We were doing some score studying and ended up falling asleep in the lounge."

"You were doing score studying in the middle of the night?"

"I couldn't sleep and I ended up finding Elisabeth in the hallway on the way downstairs." He looked like he couldn't tell if I was telling the truth. "You should get ready if you want to get to rehearsal on time."

I changed quickly, grabbed my things, and headed down to breakfast. I ran into Nell when grabbing my food. "Hey, have you seen Elisabeth?" she asked. "She was gone when I woke up this morning."

"She should be up there right now. She was with me last night."

"What?"

"It's not what you're thinking," I explained quickly before she jumped to any conclusions. "Neither of us could sleep, so we were doing score studying. I can promise that nothing inappropriate happened."

She gave me skeptical look, but didn't say anything else. I ate quickly and went to get things ready for rehearsal. The horns and drums started arriving at the practice fields as I finished setting everything up. "We'll be starting with some drill edits," Carroway told me when he arrived. "Be ready to do some conducting today." After climbing up to the podium in front of the horn line, I put my hands up and readied myself to conduct. While there was a lot of work to be done, things were coming together.

We were ready.


End file.
